5 years on the day job

I just realized I will be hitting my 5th year anniversary with my team on my day job this September. And 12 total years at Microsoft with all the departments I've worked in.

I've done a lot to get to where I am these days. Sacrificed a lot as well. No regrets and I am definitely happy with my day job. It's still hard to explain to people why I don't have a whole bunch of artwork done. But, honestly, I'm finding myself pushing for further knowledge and training with the technical systems I work with. In order to do that, I have to start dedicating more time and mental capacity to the day job, and not to the artwork.

What does this mean for my continued delay for MockTales and everything I would like to do with my art? I honestly don't know at this point. But the day job pays the bills, pays for my three kids and has a pretty good health care program. In a day and age where everyone's complaining about how they're going to maintain a living week to week, I think it's obvious where my focus is and why I don't really have the motivation to push beyond what I'm able to get done in the meantime with my artwork.

When people jokingly and condescendingly ask where my comic book is and what's taking so long... is it any wonder I want to tell people to kiss my ass?

Updates and Video Blogs!

Well into the days of June, I have finally reached a point where I can write an update. And touch on a few subjects while I'm at it.

My comic book(s):

• Nexus Earth Presents #001 - There are some art and production delays being sorted out at this time. As well as I'm making a change to a different printing company than the one I had originally planned on using. I'm still going to try and get the book printed and ready by the end of June and will announce shipping dates as soon as I'm confident we'll make those dates.
• Adventures of Tim Garn (AOTG) - I'm in the process of making some final decisions on both story script and production team on this book. I am hoping to announce to everyone soon what is going to happen with this book as it is the core story for everything I am putting together with MockTales.
• Doctor Demolition - Like with AOTG, Doctor Demolition is back in production stages and I am looking for an art team that will fit this book. I would like to release this book not too long after AOTG. I will be sharing updated concept art for these characters, as well as others, over the course of summer 2013.

Video Blogs:

I am now attempting to put together video blogs on YouTube. Currently, as of this update, I have two online and will be working on a third as soon as tonight. These videos will touch on everything from my own artwork and comic books, to my personal views on life, comics, movies and geek and nerd culture. I even plan to show some tutorials or step by step drawing sessions as well. Heck, I even plan on doing some impersonations and voice-acting to share and practice those skills. It should be fun and informative.

With the videos, I will range from being funny and joking to talking about serious issues. While I have a general filter on swearing, you'll find some videos that I just let myself go. Like with my art and writing, I plan on making videos that express who I am. And while I am a Father of three children, a lot of what I do is not intended for children. And won't be until I have something fun and enjoyable to do with and for my children in the creative industry.

Here are my first two videos. GSB obviously stands for Greg Scott Bailey. But some have actually asked what it stands for. So there you go.

 
Look for more videos coming soon. And look for production quality to increase too as I save up my $$ for a new camera and microphone.

Alternative Life Choices

So.... wow, where do I begin. Well... Hey everyone, I'm Greg and I'm Polyamorous. Now, before you start jumping to conclusions (oh, too late?... damn you!), I'd like to give some perspective about this aspect of my life.

A few quick points that I'll throw in from Wikipedia for perspective;

• Polygamy; Polyandry/Polygny - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy
• Polyamory - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
• 5 myths of Polyamory - http://www.livescience.com/27125-5-myths-about-polyamory.html

I've been wanting to be open about being Poly for quite some time now. But, until now I haven't felt it was the right time to say it. I didn't even know there was a word for how I felt all these years until recently. Also, I wasn't sure if this was something I really needed to say outloud or just keep to myself. But I'm not ashamed and my life is in a good place right now for me to be open about this particular subject matter.

In order to create some context I have to tell a story (pardon the bullet points);

• Years ago, back in the 80's I watched a movie called Paint Your Wagon (originally released in 1969) with Lee Marvin as Ben Rumson and Clint Eastwood as Pardner. For those who don't know, the movie is set around the California Gold Rush, before the State entered the Union. Ben and Pardner become gold pan-mining partners through circumstances.
  
  Long story short, (cause it IS a 158 minute movie); there are no women in this town. At one point a Morman man and his two wives pass through town. The Morman man, fed up with one of his wives, Elizabeth, wants to get rid of her for being difficult. And so he offers her to any man willing to make the biggest offer. Ben, drunk and out of his mind, doubles up the highest offer and wins and suddenly wakes up the next morning married. But she's not just a submissive woman and pulls a gun on him the first night of sex, ensuring he knows she's not just some whore. He spends a good deal of time learning to be with a strong woman and so she ends up being a good wife for him in return. A nice reciprocated relationship for that time period.
  
  However, now that he has a wife, the rest of the townsmen get jealous. Which makes him jealous in return and worried that others might try to take his wife. So he makes a plan to go and kidnap French women going to another town (on their way there to work at a Cat House) and then talks them into work in their town instead.
  
  (we're just about there...)
  
  While his character is away doing this "daring mission", Pardner and the Elizabeth end up spending a lot of time together. Too much time. And when Ben comes back, he catches Pardner and Elizabeth riding bareback together on a horse. Ben gets mad, confronts them. And Elizabeth tells Ben that she loves Parder. So Ben just says it's over, and wishes them a happy life. However, Elizabeth tells Ben not to go, that she loves him too. Ben says "now you can't have us both." To which Elizabeth responds; "Why not, I was with a man who had two wives..." And so then after all this, Ben, Pardner and Elizabeth agree to be together as a wife with two husbands.

Now, there is a lot of subtext and story and drama built within that movie, surrounding their relationship. And the relationship isn't the primary focus of the movie, but rather the last 1/3rd of the movie I'd say. But after I had watched the movie, I just couldn't stop thinking about that fact of that arrangement. I mean, I must have been in late Elementary School or early Middle School. Starting to just barely get those hormones and feelings for women. And it made so much more sense to me than people saying they could be with one person and one person only for the rest of their lives. Especially when I heard so much about divorces and cheating and manipulation. So the rest of my life, probably 20 years, I watched people in Monogamous relationships, myself included, go through bouts of jealousy, possessiveness, lack of communication and bitter mis-understandings.

It wasn't until about a year after my wife left me that I had found myself growing deeper and deeper into a depression. Jealous of so many other people's relationships. Angry that I couldn't have who I wanted to have in my life. Resentful that I was into women way out of my league. I was growing desperate. And women knew this, because I was projecting that desperation, which made me even more unattractive and it was such a vicious cycle. And then, by chance, I met someone who expressed interest back. However, the catch.... she was with a man and a woman in a Polyamorous relationship. This woman and I started spending more time together and we started sharing our affections for one another. I got to a point where I realized, if I was going to get closer, I had to think to myself "was I comfortable with her being with other people?" And quite honestly, it took me a night to think about it on their couch. *laughs* And the answer was yes, I was very comfortable about it.

 

That relationship lasted about six months. It was a very wonderful time in my life. By entering what I call a "Healthy Polyamorous Family", I was able to see people who communicated their intentions. I met people who did not get jealous about people spending time with "their" partner. There was an amazing amount of self control and personal self-health within everyone I had met. I had also met couples who had been together for over 15 years or more who were in Poly relationships the whole time. I got to hear their stories and how they made it work. I then met people on online communities who told me their stories as well. This was exactly what I had wanted and I now knew there were people out there who lived the life I wanted to live.

Now of course, it wasn't all peaches and cream. Just like a Monogamous relationship, it takes hard work to make things flow between two people, let alone more than two. That relationship had its ups and it definitely had its downs. But what I got out of it was so much more. It is now two years later and I haven't been with someone in a serious relationship since then. I've had a few girls that I've gotten close to. But things just didn't work out. And yet, I'm happy. Happier than I have ever been in a long time.

The reason for being happy is quite simple; I don't need the bullshit I see within most Monogamous relationships. I've now watched so many people cause their own relationshi-destruction because of that jealousy. Or mis-communications leading into devestating arguments. I've seen the needy and clingy nature of people who expect the other person to conform to their ideals and then get angry when it doesn't go their way. I've seen people get upset that their partner is out with a friend at a bar as the constant joke of almost every sitcom I've watched. And then I saw it in real life. A woman would get upset that her "man" was out with his friends all night, neglecting her at home. So she cheats and says something like "what do you expect?" and so on, so forth. There are so many examples and this obviously goes back and forth between men and women.

Living a Polyamorous lifestyle to me doesn't mean orgies 24/7. It means safe partners in life. Safe mentally and physically. People who are willing to focus on bettering their lives, losing the dependent nature of having someone in their life all the time. And finding someone (or many someones) who feel the same way. I've had people tell me "I'm too selfish of a person to let my partner be with someone else." And wow I just find that such a turn-off now. I watch Romantic Comedies, and while I enjoy the comedy aspect of the movie, and generally the love aspect, the whole desire to go through all the crazy things these people go through for love just baffles me now.

So if you're a female friend of mine, or someone who just barely knows me or is "friends" on Facebook or another Networking site, then you see now why I act the way I act. I'm attracted to you. I like some aspect about you. But that doesn't mean I want to sleep with you. It doesn't mean I want to control you or tell you how to live and love. It means that I want to get to know you and see what level we can meet back with one another because of that attraction. And I certainly don't want to "take you away from your man", but if I do connect with someone, I want to enjoy and share those connections without people getting jealous or upset. Because I'm perfectly happy with people I know also finding happiness within others. I have no need to "Be Everything" to someone. I'm already everything to myself. And that's pretty damn good..

Edited Once: 02-16-2013

Satisfaction...

One random frustration I have with my artwork lately; at what point do I "settle and go"? Meaning, at what point, despite art always having room for improvement, do you stop and get it ready for print or show or even just being personally satisfied with how it looks?

An orc from a recent sketch session

I've had a constant frustration with this process most of my life because it never fails that if I don't stop, I'll keep re-drawing, re-designing over and over and over again until 10 years have passed by *cough*. And yet, when I do reach a level of comfort on a piece, and feel that it is ready to go, I'll post it online or have it in my portfolio, and it never fails - another artist will then tell me how I should do it better.

To further the issue - I don't want to get upset at the artist suggesting changes to me, but deep down inside, I do. I get offended. I get upset. And I'm trying to figure it out and I never could understand why. I know as an artist there are always better ways to do things and improve something. Anatomy could always be more accurate. Lighting and shading could always be done in a more proper manner. My composition and layouts could be treated with more thought to how a viewer/reader will see my work and how it will “flow”. But to be honest, there are days where I'm comfortable with how it looks and it annoys the hell out of me that someone will suggest a change.

I’m comfortable with the level I'm at and how I'm doing things right now. Comfortable enough that once again I'm trying to get my butt back in gear and get a book and product out to people for 2013. And so this leads me to want to mention something else about this fact; I’m not putting a book out to get famous. I’m not putting a book out to get rich. I have a story and art to share "AS IS", for whomever is interested in viewing it.  And so, despite being a little irritated about this fact, I’m choosing to push forward with it instead of letting it hold me back yet again. I’ve let this keep me back for almost 10 years now. No longer. I've allowed myself to get depressed, moody, embarassed... whatever the reason, it has been something that has personally affected me and hindered the process of art in my life. Aagain, no longer.

So if you’re a friend, a fellow artist or colleague that wants to suggest changes to my artwork. Please just save it until I ask for suggestion or help. If I get frustrated because my book isn't selling or people aren't interested in my art, then that is the result of this. And I am perfectly satisfied with that possible result. Because if you see my art somewhere, chances are I’m satisfied with it and posting it online or printing it in a book because “I” am happy with it. And that is what is currently important to me.

So a thought has been going through my head as I read something about San Diego Comic Con. (naturally everyone won't shut up about it... lol just teasing. Going next year).

I read that there are 250,000 people that attend the show every year. Lets say that again.... Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand People!! Now, I sit here, working on my sketch cards trying to raise money for my other shows this fa...ll... and it hits me... Can you imagine not just $100, not just $50, not just $20 or even $5.... but can you imagine $1 from each of those people? Just $1 would buy me a house (I'm looking at the $80,000 to $150,00 range), a new reliable car and give me enough money to put aside for all three of my kids for their college fund in 11-13 years.

So, now you can see the urge, the impulse and the drive a lot of us creators have with wanting to make the next-best thing for people to buy. And for me, all I would want is 250,000 people to believe in a $1 item. Or half those people to buy something $5. A 1/3rd to buy $20 prints.

There is a lot more to it. I welcome anyone's thoughts. Keep it civil if there are conflicting ideas. But don't hesitate to brainstorm, expand this though, give your own thoughts. This is what people like me love about starting your own business. Not getting rich, but doing what we love and having venues to make a living while doing it.

Happy Monday morning everyone.

So... a follow-up from last night's post: during dinner last night my back started hurting. At first it was just uncomfortable and that is usually as far as it has been going these days. I excused myself from the table and tried to take some Ibuprofen. Too late, the pain progressively got worse and worse. So I went back and thanked those who came to dinner and had to go lay down.

Then it happened for the 2nd time in my life - I had a panic attack. My chest and lungs started freaking out from the back pain and I couldn't breath very well. I started pacing my room (what floor space I have left in my room) and then tried laying down again... and nothing was helping. So I sucked up my pride and gently walked down the hall and asked my roommate for help.

To be honest... I don't remember much after that. I vaguely remember Icy-Hot and a heating and cooling treatment while also calming my breathing until the pain finally went away. Next thing I know, I wake up thinking I'm late for work. It was 5:30am. Which is exactly the time I normally wake up for work. So thankfully it all worked out. But what a scare.

Now, I remember reminding myslf that some people go through this every day. And so as I sit here this morning feeling somewhat better and start to reflect, I find myself wanting to keeep on pushing. Try to make things better. Work as hard as I can to accomplish what I want in life.

This weekend was supposed to be yet another weekend of hard work and payout with sharing artwork and updates with everyone. And once again, I let things go. I wanted so very much to finally be caught up. I'm not. I wanted so very much to share new pages and new art designs. I didn't. But... I still refuse to give up.

So why do I say Happy Monday morning, despite all these issues? Because, why the hell should I give up when I still have so much I want to do. That isn't a question. That is a statement. I will never give up and I will continue to move forward as much as I can.

I'm going to be attempting a second Blog today to go along with some fund raising I need to do. This will go with more updates for gregscottbailey.com as well as updates on mocktales.com. So stay tuned for more. I'm going to be doing this on my lunch break and then post after I get off work tonight.

Summer Update Blog #1

Hey everyone!

The Retreat!
So this past weekend was my Writer/Artist retreat. And unfortunately it was nothing but fail. Originally I planned to go to Ellensburg, Washington, to get away from it all. Turn the phone off. No internet surfing other than research (so no Facebook or online chatting). This was going to be a 4-day, 3-night retreat so I could just draw and write and not worry about anything else.

Well, unfortunately, Thursday morning of the retreat, the waterline to the house I'm renting had a leak and we had to have our water shut off to avoid the obvious damage and then extensive bill to the owner. Now, that wouldn't have been a problem if I just went ahead and left for Ellensburg. I would have water at some random Motel. But I wanted to be one of the reliable roommates that could help out with whomever would be coming over to check out the problem. I wasn't "needed"... but I still felt I should hang around. Turns out I should have just left. I wasn't really needed.

Additionally, I just don't have the money to spend on a quick 4-day retreat. Even at the cheap prices of Ellensburg Motels. I'm taking an important family trip soon and I need the money for that trip. And then in addition there are the conventions coming up in September, October and November. (more on that below)

So I tried to have a retreat anyways. Attempted to work hard at a coffee shop or do things at home. And I just found myself distracted. I did what I could Thursday at my coffee shop of choice. I put my headphones on and just plotted layouts and designed a lot of art projects for this coming week. I started to sort out more of my late commissions so I can finish those.

Regardless of the fustrating weekend, I still put some of my time into what needed to get done. I bought gregscottbailey.com and went live with that sucker. (more on that below).


Convention Fund Raising
I'm happy to announce here that I have been approved for a table in NYCC's Artist Alley. But it will cost a lot of money to get me there. The table price alone is pretty high and I need to come up with that by July 20th. Then of course the hotel and airfare.

This past weekend I got really uptight about someone asking for freebies or handouts on Facebook. And without really getting into that too much, I wanted to say that I am not and never going to ask for a free handout if I can help it. So I want to try and get a bunch of artwork and prints sold in the next 25 days to make this show, as well as set up the rest of the Fall schedule.

I have 6 more shows to do, per the plan I have set up. So over the next 25 days I will be updating http://gregscottbailey.com, my new website, with all my sales. Each day, and each week I will try to update it with as much as possible. Because I realize I can't sell people things if they can't see what I have to sell in the first place.

I will be looking for as much feedback as possible from everyone. I understand that not everyone can afford $100-$300 artwork. And I will try to make all ranges available from $5 and up.


New Website!
Gregscottbailey.com is now live... but skimpy at best. *laughs* I need to put the content together. As I will be coding this new website myself, everything will be as simple as possible because I have limited HTML knowledge.

My only image on the site right now... me staring right back atch'a!

What I'm looking to do with this website is post original art and print sales. This will be for both MockTales and non-MockTales related items. I will try and make different sections and have them clearly labelled so you can easily navigate. Again, I want to keep it simple so I don't have to code too much of the site.


Well folks, that is it for now. I want to update more. And if plans go through, I will be doing these blogs/journals more often. But as you've read, things get in the way sometimes. Stay tuned for more!

-Greg

The Big Update

As posted on Blogger, DeviantArt, Facebook, Google+ and highlighted on Twitter:

The Big Update!:

This update is to help catch everyone up on what I’ve got planned for the rest of the year as well as catching up on what “was” supposed to be happening.  Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

Personal Problems:

I’ve spent the last two years trying to better myself after my wife left. While I still would rather not go into the personal details of my divorce, because I feel that is between my ex-wife and myself, I will say once again that it has been a major reason behind a lot of my delays, money issues and laziness these past 2 years.

However, with my new personal campaign of “I’ll rest in 2013”, I have started the first four months of 2012 with some amazing positive self-esteem and empowerment. I feel great. My mind and energy levels are higher than they ever have been in over 8 years. Additionally, I now have a business budget to work with on MockTales. Something I didn’t have before because it was all coming out of my own pocket and I had to choose bills and rent over getting things done. I tried getting commission orders, but then wasn’t finishing those because the money only temporarily plugged the holes of debt. Now it is finally time to get the ball in full motion and rolling down the hill, plowing through every obstacle remaining in the way.

2012… you’re about to become my bitch. It’s best to just submit and let it happen…

Commissions:

As of this weekend, April 28^th 2012, my commissions and extra projects for the year are officially closed until December 31^st, 2012. I will not be taking any more orders or be able to take on any further projects regardless of the offer for the rest of the year.

All commission orders placed before today will be completed soon, or an arrangement will be made so that money owed will be refunded. As always, any questions or concerns, please email me at mocktales@gmail.com. I do not check my Deviant Art, Facebook or any other built-in messaging systems on social networking sites for conversation concerning projects. I handle all business through mocktales@gmail.com.

**The exception** I will, however, still be doing convention sketches at the remaining shows I will be attending this year. Convention sketches include the following; 5x8 Large Sketch Cards with blue-line MockTales logo and design. MockTales #0 Blank Sketch Cover. I’ll even draw in people’s sketchbooks. But again, this is limited to convention I have a table at and I may have a short list each day at the show. So show up early if you can to get on the list.

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Prices being raised:

Some people have noticed that my prices keep going up over the past 4-6 months. There are several reasons behind this and I don’t really feel a need to explain myself. Simply put my self-worth is a lot more than $30 for a piece of original artwork on a large sheet of Bristol. I’ve worked hard to improve myself over the past 2 years. And after everything I’ve been through to achieve a more professional level of art, it is time I get paid like a professional.

I do not do artwork for free. At this point, not even for friends. A true friend will understand this. I either get paid, and paid in advance, or I get a mutually equal offer for time and work put into a project.

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Books and Projects:

MockTales: Project Molten Art Book
Format: B&W and Color pages, perfect bound. (online TBA)
Release Date: Fall 2012

This book was originally delayed because I just felt it lacked content for a concept-art book. I originally started funding the book on Kickstarter.com and only asked for about $1000. Which we finally raised after our 2^nd try. And for all those who supported the campaign, I am continuously appreciative. However, for what I want to do, this book is going to require more funding. And now I finally have that funding and support. So I am back into working on MockTales: Project Molten while also finishing up MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn. I am looking to release this book by NYCC in October and it will be well over 100 pages. Maybe more by the time October rolls around.

MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn #1
Format: Color Cover, B&W interiors, standard comic. (online TBA)
Release Date: May/June 2012

The first full comic book series that I am working on; this issue is going to be at least 40 pages total (36 pages of story). I am condensing down to two full books for 2012 and one Ashcan, which are both Issue #1 and #2, and the Issue #0 Ashcan. This book has been a longtime coming. I’ve been stopping, starting, stopping and starting the book frequently over the past 10 years now. But only in the last year or so has it truly been a possibility.

MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn #2
Format: Color Cover, B&W interiors, standard comic. (online TBA)

Release Date: Sept/Oct 2012

MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn Trade Paperback Volume 1
Date: TBD
Format (Our current goal): We are looking to put out Issues #0, #1 and #2 fully colored in a complete Trade Paperback, perfect bound format. That will be at least 84 story pages and if we go up to 100 pages total, then 16 pages of extra art and goodies for everyone.

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MockTales.com – Website
We have the new format of the website up. Now we just need to upload more content and shift a few things around. The biggest issue is changes between everyone’s resolutions and monitors. Again, as before, the days of 800x600 are over… but then again, some people are viewing things on their phones as well.

Unfortunately I’m not ready to go to formatting online comics for Mobile or iPad and other Tablets yet. But as we move forward I will try to make those formats available.

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Conventions and Appearance Schedule:

Next Stop: May 5th - Free Comic Book Day!
Where: Central City Comics, Ellensburg, Washington.
What: I will be selling the Mocktales #0 Ashcan for only $5 for regular edition, $20 for Sketch Cover Edition. I may even have my Avengers print done by then.

So if you’re in the Ellensburg area of Washington State, stop on by and hang out, have a great time and support Free Comic Book Day.

May 18^th: Spokane Comic Con
Where: Spokane, Washington
What: I will have a table set up at the show selling Original Artwork, MockTales #0 Ashcan and my new Avengers print. As always I will have an assortment of prints both b&w and color.

This is a fun 1-day show and I recommend it to anyone near Eastern Washington to stop by and check it out.

May 25^th-27^th: Phoenix Comic Con
Where: Phoenix, AZ
What: I will be in Artist Alley, table TBA. This show will have the Avengers print, the Limited Edition Amy Pond prints for all you Doctor Who fans, and a sexy 18+ Zombie/Horror themed print for sale. Additional prints and original art will be for sale as well as the MockTales #0 Ashcan.

This will be my first time at Phoenix Comic Con. I have been itching to do this show for a number of years now. I hear good things and I have friends that live in the area. So this will be a fun show to attend and I hope to see many of you there as well!

May 25^th-27^th: Crypticon Seattle
Where: SeaTac, Washington
What: Table TBA. As this show falls on the same weekend as Phoenix, I will not be attending. However, I have someone looking into a table for me and if I do end up getting one, I will have someone there selling my wares. I will be featuring my 18+ Zombie/Horror themed print as well as have the original piece at the show for sale for anyone who is interested.

Crypticon has always been a fun and local Horror convention for me. Seattle keeps taking back a lot of the records for the Zombie-walks. So come out of your caves and join everyone in SeaTac for a weekend of fun and horror!

Summer Break!
I will not be attending or setting up at any show in June, July and into mid-August.

August 30^th to Sept 3^rd: Dragon*Con
Where: Atlanta, Georgia
What: I will be attending, but not setting up at this show. I’ve been hearing fun things about Dragon*Con, so I decided I would take a vacation and attend this show. I may or may not be in my Doctor Demolition Cosplay by the time of this show.

September 15^th: Stan Lee’s Comikaze Expo
Where: Los Angeles, CA
What: I will be attempting to set up at Artist Alley at this show. This is the 2^nd year of the show and my only California show for the year. Table will be announced as the show gets closer.

September 22^nd: Jet City Comic Show
Where: Seattle, Wa

What: Once again returning for Artist Alley at the local Jet City show. These guys run a fun 1-day show and I encourage everyone to come by and check it out. More incentives and art and book announcements as we get closer to the show.

October 12^th-14^th: New York Comic Con
Where: New York, NY
What: While this isn’t the last show of the year, this is the big wrap-up show for me. All my announcements, incentives and books will be wrapping up at this show, as well as I will be dressed in Cosplay for Friday and Saturday of the show. Table will be announced as we get closer to the show.

October 20^th: Bellingham Comic Con
Where: Bellingham, Wa
What: This will be my final show for 2012. A fun 1-day show just north of Seattle. I will announce more as we get closer.

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I’ll rest in 2013

So this will be my last Blog for 2011. And it’s a whopper. So, sit back and relax, read at your own pace, and we’ll get through this together, I promise. Hehe.

Relationships:

“What’s this, Greg? You’re going to talk about Relationships? You never talk about your loneliness, your desire to have someone constantly in your life, or publicly display your desperate need for affection,” says you, reading this with a sarcastic tone to your brain. But here is the thing. I really am an outgoing personality. I don’t mind expressing personal issues in my life. I just generally don’t like to mention names or anything that would directly get people in trouble. So we’ll see how this one goes…

So the topic leads off with thus - I have made the choice not to date during the entire year of 2012. This is somewhat of a New Year’s Resolution. But I honestly think those are trendy and people don’t take that kind of change seriously when they make a trendy choice. The goal in this case this is to take control of my social life and put it aside for the sake of my work life. One of the main reasons behind my artwork and books not being completed over the years is because of depression and loneliness. And part of being lonely is my constant need for someone to be in my life.

As an issue that would affect me daily, 365 days a year, before my marriage and especially after my marriage ended, I would wake up every day wishing I had someone laying there next to me. I had a wonderful 6 months with my recent ex-girlfriend who, while definitely a great person at heart, and was fun to be with, was just not right for me in the end.

So now in the past eight months or so I’ve been once again battling depression and feeling alone, along with the constant feeling of co-dependency. And during this time I’ve had people in my life, and even a therapist, telling me I need to work on this issue - that it was making me give off an attitude of desperation and being clingy with every new girl I would meet. And that kind attitude can apparently turn women away. It wasn’t until it finally clicked in my head and I fully understood the feeling, and not just the words people would tell me, where I had finally decided to take charge of these feelings instead of letting them take charge of me. The literal “Light Bulb” over my head clicked on.

The F word: Friend - So the most common frustration when it comes to women for me is being friends. From the time I turned 18 all the way up until a few weeks ago, I have probably made friends with as many as a hundred girls over the years. Maybe even more. But let us just say it was an even 100 girls. I would say about 90 of those girls are women I am attracted to. (90% for those desperate for me to do some math. hehe). Let me share with you a YouTube video someone posted on Facebook the other day and see if we can’t touch partially on why this is an issue for the Greg:

Now I won’t necessarily claim this video contained factual scientific research. But the basic point is made; guys generally do not want to be friends with women.  Most of the time, (not always) the guy hangs around the girl because he is attracted to her. At the very least I can say this is true of myself. If you are a girl who was my friend and you are reading this right now, chances are I wanted to date you. Most likely though, you already know this. It never took long for me to spazz-out at some point and admit my feelings to a girl. Which in turn made my friendships awkward. Thus ending most of those friendships. Especially the ones I made in the last two years.

So the biggest frustration for me is the fact that I end up being around girls I like, who only want to be my friend.  And who do they call upon when their relationships fail; me. I give them an ear. Comfort them and show them that there is a guy out there who cares and can be there for them. But, do they then give me a chance to be in a relationship with them? Nope. Do I blame them? Well, I honestly used to. It used to frustrate me every time it happened to the point of falling asleep crying, wondering why the world was so unfair to me. I was not a confident guy growing up. And as time went on, I became needy, desperate and clingy and until recently, all I could do was blame the women for not giving me a chance.  Or be angry at God or some higher presence for constantly dealing me a crappy hand in life. And all these events pushed me to a breaking point these last few months

It has pretty much taken 15 years to get a better understanding on all of this. So much so, that now I’m trying to wipe out years of knowledge and experience, so that I can start over with a better understanding.  And it hasn’t been easy at all. The most recent situation with a girl “friend” hurt me so deeply that I stayed up several nights in a row crying because I fell so hard for her, yet I knew it was right to let her go. And I was sad because once again I didn’t get to have someone I cared passionately for.  

Angry at the world, pounding my fists on the headboard of my bed, I let out that overbearing emotion.  And then… towards the end of these two days, I was fed up. I had told myself two months ago already that I was done, and then once again I fell deeply in love with a “friend.”  So much that when we had the inevitable cut-off point I had to tell her that I couldn’t even be her friend because I didn’t want to make her new boyfriend uncomfortable with me being around.  Because the obvious eventuality of where I wanted things will go would not only hurt me, but hurt this new relationship she was forming with someone else.  

Do I blame her for any of this?  Hell no!  She’s following her heart.  I followed mine, and it wasn’t reciprocated.  And so I sit here realizing that if I were to keep playing the “sob story” every time this happened to me, I would continue living a pathetic life. And I’m done with that choice.

And so I moved closer to deciding that I will not be dating for an entire year. But not before one more issue…

I’ll share with you a recent situation that, along with the “Friend” situation, had pushed me to the breaking point, leading up to this decision - I finally signed up for a dating site. Zoosk.com. Now I’ve had a profile on Zoosk already, but you have to pay them money to read the messages and flirts and what not between you and other users. So the week of Thanksgiving I finally decided “why not?” And so I paid for a month subscription, went on there and started looking at profiles. Naturally you see a photo and then go from there. A lot of photos really turned me off. Some were just ungodly unattractive and I wanted to send a message to these girls telling them how to take a better photo. And the others were either obviously fake accounts or I felt if they were real, they were way out of my league. So when I finally found the ones that I thought were interesting enough, I sent them a flirt or a message. I was honest and said I was skeptical of how some of the profiles might be fake and that I was hoping to find real people on there to chat and get to know better. Eventually I sent around 20 messages sent out.

To my surprise, later in the evening, I got a response.  The first day?  It was a girl telling me to call her and she left her cell number in the message.  I was still skeptical.  I had figured that this was just a fake account to get me to call a sex-line and not a real person. But the number was local. So to test it out, I texted the number instead of calling. “Hey, this is Greg from Zoosk.”  A few minutes later, I got a response. “Greg?” And then followed by “Mocktales?” Because I forgot I actually made my account the name of my comic book. (No discrete dating for this guy. Hehe). Anyhow, so we started a texting conversation to get to know one another. Asking the basic questions. “Testing the field” as it were. And she had asked if we could talk. I was still nervous so I said I was busy with work and could only text.

I finally got the courage to call about 10:00pm and that was when things got really interesting. She had told me that she thought I was hot and kept looking back at my photo. Wanted to know which photo was current (I had one photo with short hair from a year ago and one with my current long hair). After I said long hair, but stated I wanted to cut it in April, she was telling me I shouldn’t. That she thought it was really hot. This girl was really expressing how much she was into me physically. I never get that kind of attention from a girl I like and it felt great. And she constantly throughout the phone call said she kept looking back at my photo. I was both flattered and starting to get a little paranoid because I thought it was too good to be true to find such a nice person the first night on a dating site.

Then she started sending me photos. Now, her profile photo was very cute. Got the glasses-thing going on and I thought she looked adorable. (This was why I initially sent her a message.) But then she texted me a clear profile bust shot (from waist to head) and I couldn’t believe it. She was gorgeous! I was very thankful I had gotten to know her personality first, because she was not only attractive as a person, but very physically attractive too. Then some other photos followed that were very… VERY flattering. And so the phone call went on until 1:00am in which we were getting along very well. We even got a little hot and heavy and had some fun and - I’ll leave it at that. But we ended the night happy to have talked to each other and discussed possibly meeting for coffee that following Saturday if she was free from family obligations. She said she would call me around noon on Thanksgiving and let me know. I fell asleep contently feeling very good about Dating Sites thanks to this one particular person.

Thanksgiving arrived. My goal for the day was to go and get the kids in the afternoon and then come back to a wonderful dinner with the household I live with. But I was feeling very good about the person I had met the night before. So I sent her a follow-up text saying how grateful I was to meet someone so nice on the site and wished her a fun time with her family and a Happy Thanksgiving. No answer. But no worries, I had my hands full with the kids and we had a great day and she was off to her own family gig.

Black Friday; (really wish they would change the name of this day). So I grabbed the kids and we started heading back to the south area to meet up with a friend to stay at their place for the evening. The roommates were having a party and so I didn’t want to burden them with the kids. As we waited for the bus, I got a text back from my Zoosk girl telling me she was hung over from too much turkey and that she was out shopping with her mom. I said a few kind words, sent her another picture of myself in a nice sweater, to which she complimented me again for sending. And then I asked once more; “How was meeting for coffee on Saturday looking?”  She replied “Not sure. There is talk of a cabin.” And that was the last I ever heard from her.

I texted on Saturday to see if she was available. No response. I called once to leave a friendly message. No answer. So then I felt I was being too pushy. Everyone tells me don’t be pushy, let it happen or you’ll push a girl away. But then other people tell me to take chances and don’t hesitate, seize the moment! I had gotten to the point where I thought this person was really into me, that I thought it was okay to text her as much as I did. And maybe it was too much. Maybe I forced the issue and ruined my chances. Maybe she and her family did go out for a weekend getaway and was busy. I can’t fault anyone for spending time with their family. But I’ll never know, because she never responded.

So a week later, maybe one or two messages since, I finally decided to try one last time to see if she was free for the following Saturday. Again, no response. I ended up meeting with a friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in many years. And the conversation came up about whether I was dating anyone. I brought up the situation with the girl from Zoosk. And this friend isn’t exactly the most tactful friend. He grabbed my phone when I wasn’t looking, got this girl’s number, and called it. I came back into the room and he’s on the phone. No answer. And so he tells me what he did. “If I call from my phone, and she answers, she’s avoiding your calls, Bro. But if she doesn’t answer, there is a possibility that she is still out of town or busy.” Not completely logical, but I get what he was trying to do. And then, he gets a text on his phone. “Who is this?”  Still holding my phone, my friend calls her number and hands me my phone. “There you go, Bro. Her phone works. She don’t answer, her fool-ass is ignoring ya.” As you can see, my friend is not the most clear-speaking kind of individual. Hehe.

No answer. Instead of leaving a message, I just discouragingly hung up. This was mere moments after her text. There was no doubt at this point; she was ignoring me. I told my friend to delete her number and to just forget it. But he was already trying to text her back with some wild scheme that he was accidentally texting another friend or something.  I told him to just let it go. That I was done. This was a lost cause and the situation is already getting way out of control as it is. And in return, I called her again, left her an apology message about my friend and told her I was deleting her number and done.

In the span of a week my hopes were lifted and then fell back down to earth about the reality of things. And by the following week after that, I realized I was done with dating for a long time. I don’t have the knowledge or energy to play dating games. To try and understand “what women want?” In all the time I would spend trying to date and get to know women, I could be spending that time finishing my artwork, saving money, and going somewhere in my life. Which had been wasted already in the last ten or more years. And in the end, the right kind of girl will know why I sacrifice my time in order to make a better future for myself and eventually for my kids when they can spend more time with their Father as well.

And a little word of advice to you ladies… no, not just ladies - to people in general; if you’re signing up for a dating site or someone is obviously contacting you for the purposes of dating, give them the decency to tell them that you’re not interested any more. Don’t leave them hanging. And on the other hand, if someone doesn’t call you back, don’t dwell on why. Just accept and move on. In the end, it sucks not to hear back from someone you’re interested in. But it also sucks to assume that things are “meant to be” just because you had one “good” night or conversation with someone special.

Now for the important stuff… (Silly women…)

MockTales – Books and Artwork:

First off, Project Molten – Originally I wanted to get this book done by October 2011. But some of the test prints have come out off-color and I have to re-adjust. On top of that, finishing all the design work has taken me a lot longer than I originally planned. In addition to wanting to give up because of the (what I now realize as silly relationship depression thing), I’ve put myself back into working hard and finishing the book.

Changes – I am taking out the 10-page preview of MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn. This is due to how close the book is going to come out along with this first issue due to the delay. So with that space I am putting in more concept and design work. Maybe some more photography. We’ll see how it all looks as I piece it together. I will be going out to take more photos this week.

Legal stuff – I am going to be talking to someone about a few legal issues concerning the book. Don’t worry, no one is after me and I’m not after anyone else. But I want to lock down some things with a lawyer before I start really soliciting the books and bringing them out to everyone. I’m not going to lie, I wish and dream my stories would get well-known enough to get a movie deal or cartoon or something mass-media. But I know the reality of things as well. So this step is towards being prepared and I feel it only costs me a little time and money now to ensure a proper future for the product later.

General Outlook/Future of MockTales – I am going to be looking to do the following for the first quarter of 2012:

MockTales: Project Molten – To be out by MegaCon, February 2012. I will be trying to bring a few copies to the show for people even though (at this time) I don‘t have a table at the show.

MockTles: Ashcan Preview Re-print – I will be re-printing the Ashcan I did with Rob Hicks’ artwork that we brought out a couple years ago. This time it will be a full size comic format with a couple extra goodies inside. Right now I am looking for an early March release for this book. And then I will be bringing plenty of copies to Emerald City Comic Con and other shows through the year.

MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn – The first full release comic book I’m going for. We are bringing this book out at Emerald City Comic Con 2012, March 30, 31^st and April 1^st. I will most likely have the book on sale at the show so I can get it to as many people who are interested in it. And then if all goes well, it will be available to order online or at Comic Stores interested in picking up a few stacks. And obviously and subsequent shows afterwards.

MockTales: Doctor Demolition – A 1-shot book slated for Fall/Winter of 2012. Right now I am working out deals with who the artist will be on this book. But I will announce that as soon as I finishing working those details out. This book will be “testing the waters” to see if people are interested in expansion stories for the MockTales/Nexus Earth comic universe. If there is enough positive feedback, then I will slowly start expanding to my other stories as well as time, money and interest allows.

Conventions 2012:

The following is my current convention list for 2012. I have a small code to show what I will be doing at each show:

(A)   Attendee, no booth or table

(E)  Exhibiting at a booth or table

(M) MockTales booth with someone else working it.

Wizard World New Orleans, Louisiana – (A) January 27^th – 28^th. I will be helping my friend Jason Metcalf at his table. Stop by and support Jason at the show and see us both!

MegaCon ,Orlando, Florida – (A) February. Once again helping Jason Metcalf and attending this show with my own stuff. I am pushing for a table of my own, but they are sold out. I will update if I get one. Otherwise I will be walking around with books and meeting people while also helping Jason occasionally.

Emerald City Comic Con, Seattle, Washington – (E) March 30, 31^st and April 1^st. This is the big show for me. Bringing out all the books at this one. I will be set up in Artist Alley again and can’t wait to show everyone what I have in store for them. I will also be trying to do some video at the show and getting tons more photos. Keep an eye out for the MockTales Girls walking around giving out fliers and coupons.

C2E2, Chicago, Illinois – (E) April 13^th to 15th.

Spokane Comic Con, Spokane, Washington – (E) May 19th.

Phoenix Comic Con, Phoenix, Arizona – (E) May 24^th to 27^th.

Crypticon, Seatac, Washington – (M) May 25^th to 27^th.

San Diego Comic Con, San Diego, California – (A) July 12^th to 15^th.

Wizard World Chicago, Chicago, Illinois (E) August 9^th to 12^th.

Dragon*Con, Atlanta, Georgia – (A) August 31^st to September 3^rd.

New York Comic Con, New York City, New York – (E) October 11^th to 14^th. Looking to bring out MockTales: Doctor Demolition at this show.

My New Campaign:

“I’ll rest in 2013”, my new campaign slogan for 2012 - where I plan to focus on working hard for everything I want in life.

I will be working hard at my day job to clean up my debt, save up enough money so I don’t have to rent a room anymore and get a place of my own, and provide more for my kids because they deserve everything they need. The job I work at has great pay, good benefits and is secure. Or as secure as you can be in this day and age. And I am grateful to have this job. So why not work hard, right?

I will be working hard on my own personal self-growth. Putting aside my wants and desires for someone in my life. Creating a stronger Greg who will be able to handle anything in life by himself. And after this year of self-growth, then I will be seeking out someone who is equally strong in their own self-growth.

I will be working hard on this dream I have put off for so long. My comic book. My story. Those silly little ideas I have had in the back of my head ever since I was able to consciously think. All of it will finally come into fruition in 2012. And in order to do this, I cannot sleep-in on days off. I cannot take a day off, period. I cannot rest… in 2012. So, I’ll rest in 2013.

Business Skills = Fail

To start things off with this blog, I wanted to discuss my recent business ventures. Good and Bad. Because I think a lot of people have been under the impression that I know what I'm doing... [laughs].

The Business of Commissions:

I'm still on the last set of my commissions from earlier in the year. This was the first year I received a bulk amount of commission orders. I learned a lot from both the success and failure of these commissions. - I’ve had people waiting a long time for their orders. I’ve also had people change their minds and cancel. And unfortunately I’ve had to refund money to people as well.

I’m willing to admit, I’m not very good at this.  But, I have been learning to improved and have been getting better as I push my way through the learning experience that 2011 has been. 

Some people would say “What’s the big deal? Why don’t you stay on top of things, Greg.” And I really wish I could explain everything and anything that caused all these problems. But there are too many to talk about.  And not all of the issues are things I can make public. A lot of it is personal.  And a lot of it has to do with other people’s business; which I don’t feel is something I should be speak about publicly.

What I can tell people is that I am doing all this on top of working a full time job, fixing debt from my failed marriage, finishing my divorce and fighting depression.  I don’t say these things to excuse my actions.  But merely to provide some answers and understanding about what I am going through.

Future Commissions: I’m looking to start up a new round of orders in December. However, I will be setting up more firm commissioning rules. These are for protecting myself and the customer.  This list will be available by December 1^st and posted in as many places as I can provide it.

WANT vs. CAN:

One of the problems I’ve been learning from is my “want” vs. “can” situation.  I want very much to have a vast comic book Universe to entertain people with.  But since I am only one person, with only so much time, there is only so much that I “can” do. 

The problem; I tell everyone what I want to do and I have had a lot of people asking “Where is the book? You’ve been talking about creating a comic for 15 years!”  Well, like many creators, I’ve had ideas on my brain since I was 6 years old. And MockTales is an accumulation of all my years as a sentient being daydreaming about this and that.  I wrote the core of what you’ll see in the first book of MockTales in 2003. I adapted to a new version in 2007 that gave it a little more edge. And then after my wife left in 2009 I wrote what I feel is the final version that has more character and plot development, and I am now going forward with now that I am single and have more free time again. 

All these years I haven’t been ready, despite expressing my want to have the book out.  And because of this, I feel I have let a lot of people get hyped or mislead that it was going to happen.  I wanted it to happen.  But I wasn’t ready.  Want vs. Can.

So now that I’ve explained that tidbit, “where are you at now”, you ask?  As of this Blog this is the following schedule for my art and comic activities:

MockTales: Project Molten – An 80-page concept design and art book for the MockTales Universe. This book is being moved to release in December 2011. Delays are due to formatting issues with printers. Spending the next 30-45 days tweaking and making sure things are right before final print production.

MockTales 2009 Ashcan reprint – Our 2009 Ashcan written by myself and illustrated by Rob Hicks will be re-printed into a regular comic book format and then re-lettered and colored. This will give everyone a look at Tim Garn before the fateful day of the first issue.  We will be bringing this book out in February or March of 2012, prepping for the first issue of the main book at Emerald City Comic Con late March.

MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn #1 – Coming out at Emerald City Comic Con, March 30, 31^st and April 1^st, 2012, Seattle Wa. This is the book that I have been telling everyone about. Most of the book is done and a preview will be in the Project Molten Art book as well as online in December.  The current goal is to put out 3-4 issues a year.

Conventions:

I will be looking to attend as many conventions during 2012 as I can.  Initially I was going to schedule 12 shows (12 in 2012). However, that is a lot of money and seeing as how I’m trying to get out of debt, I will be attempting to make it to conventions only if I can afford them and the time permits.  You can guarantee that I will be at the local shows in my area; Emerald City Comic Con, Spokane Comic Con, Bellingham Comic Con and Jet City Comic Show. (Other formatted local conventions are TBA. i.e. Crypticon or Norwescon, ect)

My goal at conventions is to get as many people as possible interested in MockTales. Advertise and spread the word on the Universe I am creating.  I’m not looking to make a ton of money out of this whole venture. (Of course I won’t complain if I do either).  Drawing comics is what I love in my spare time.  I work a day job to pay the bills.  But if I can break even at conventions, then I can schedule more and visit various areas of the States, let alone eventually making it to shows in other Countries as well.

Make it or break it - I’ll rest in 2013!:

In all honestly, 2012 is my “make it or break it” year.  If I’m not able to make this comic book work in 2012 then that is pretty much it for me. I’ll pull back to doing occasional commissions and maybe a few 1-shot books once in a while.  But no more creating a comic book series and Universe.

The reason behind this is because I am going to be giving up a lot of my time to get this all going next year.  And time is valuable to me.  If it becomes a waste of my time and money, then I would much rather work my day job and just stay out of the comic book business. 

However, if I can make some success or maybe break even with this venture, then I will keep going.  So either way, I’m looking to work hard in 2012.  And part of knowing whether or not this is working is getting feedback from everyone checking out my work.  Email me.  Send me a message on Facebook.  Or buy art and books from me and show me your support when you can. 

Thanks again everyone.  This crazy train is about to leave the station!