I just realized I will be hitting my 5th year anniversary with my team on my day job this September. And 12 total years at Microsoft with all the departments I've worked in.
I've done a lot to get to where I am these days. Sacrificed a lot as well. No regrets and I am definitely happy with my day job. It's still hard to explain to people why I don't have a whole bunch of artwork done. But, honestly, I'm finding myself pushing for further knowledge and training with the technical systems I work with. In order to do that, I have to start dedicating more time and mental capacity to the day job, and not to the artwork.
What does this mean for my continued delay for MockTales and everything I would like to do with my art? I honestly don't know at this point. But the day job pays the bills, pays for my three kids and has a pretty good health care program. In a day and age where everyone's complaining about how they're going to maintain a living week to week, I think it's obvious where my focus is and why I don't really have the motivation to push beyond what I'm able to get done in the meantime with my artwork.
When people jokingly and condescendingly ask where my comic book is and what's taking so long... is it any wonder I want to tell people to kiss my ass?
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Updates and Video Blogs!
Well into the days of June, I have finally reached a point where I can write an update. And touch on a few subjects while I'm at it.
My comic book(s):
I am now attempting to put together video blogs on YouTube. Currently, as of this update, I have two online and will be working on a third as soon as tonight. These videos will touch on everything from my own artwork and comic books, to my personal views on life, comics, movies and geek and nerd culture. I even plan to show some tutorials or step by step drawing sessions as well. Heck, I even plan on doing some impersonations and voice-acting to share and practice those skills. It should be fun and informative.
With the videos, I will range from being funny and joking to talking about serious issues. While I have a general filter on swearing, you'll find some videos that I just let myself go. Like with my art and writing, I plan on making videos that express who I am. And while I am a Father of three children, a lot of what I do is not intended for children. And won't be until I have something fun and enjoyable to do with and for my children in the creative industry.
Here are my first two videos. GSB obviously stands for Greg Scott Bailey. But some have actually asked what it stands for. So there you go.
Look for more videos coming soon. And look for production quality to increase too as I save up my $$ for a new camera and microphone.
My comic book(s):
- Nexus Earth Presents #001 - There are some art and production delays being sorted out at this time. As well as I'm making a change to a different printing company than the one I had originally planned on using. I'm still going to try and get the book printed and ready by the end of June and will announce shipping dates as soon as I'm confident we'll make those dates.
- Adventures of Tim Garn (AOTG) - I'm in the process of making some final decisions on both story script and production team on this book. I am hoping to announce to everyone soon what is going to happen with this book as it is the core story for everything I am putting together with MockTales.
- Doctor Demolition - Like with AOTG, Doctor Demolition is back in production stages and I am looking for an art team that will fit this book. I would like to release this book not too long after AOTG. I will be sharing updated concept art for these characters, as well as others, over the course of summer 2013.
I am now attempting to put together video blogs on YouTube. Currently, as of this update, I have two online and will be working on a third as soon as tonight. These videos will touch on everything from my own artwork and comic books, to my personal views on life, comics, movies and geek and nerd culture. I even plan to show some tutorials or step by step drawing sessions as well. Heck, I even plan on doing some impersonations and voice-acting to share and practice those skills. It should be fun and informative.
With the videos, I will range from being funny and joking to talking about serious issues. While I have a general filter on swearing, you'll find some videos that I just let myself go. Like with my art and writing, I plan on making videos that express who I am. And while I am a Father of three children, a lot of what I do is not intended for children. And won't be until I have something fun and enjoyable to do with and for my children in the creative industry.
Here are my first two videos. GSB obviously stands for Greg Scott Bailey. But some have actually asked what it stands for. So there you go.
Look for more videos coming soon. And look for production quality to increase too as I save up my $$ for a new camera and microphone.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Alternative Life Choices
So.... wow, where do I begin. Well... Hey everyone, I'm Greg and I'm Polyamorous. Now, before you start jumping to conclusions (oh, too late?... damn you!), I'd like to give some perspective about this aspect of my life.
A few quick points that I'll throw in from Wikipedia for perspective;
A few quick points that I'll throw in from Wikipedia for perspective;
- Polygamy; Polyandry/Polygny - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy
- Polyamory - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
- 5 myths of Polyamory - http://www.livescience.com/27125-5-myths-about-polyamory.html
I've been wanting to be open about being Poly for quite some time now. But, until now I haven't felt it was the right time to say it. I didn't even know there was a word for how I felt all these years until recently. Also, I wasn't sure if this was something I really needed to say outloud or just keep to myself. But I'm not ashamed and my life is in a good place right now for me to be open about this particular subject matter.
In order to create some context I have to tell a story (pardon the bullet points);
- Years ago, back in the 80's I watched a movie called Paint Your Wagon (originally released in 1969) with Lee Marvin as Ben Rumson and Clint Eastwood as Pardner. For those who don't know, the movie is set around the California Gold Rush, before the State entered the Union. Ben and Pardner become gold pan-mining partners through circumstances.
Long story short, (cause it IS a 158 minute movie); there are no women in this town. At one point a Morman man and his two wives pass through town. The Morman man, fed up with one of his wives, Elizabeth, wants to get rid of her for being difficult. And so he offers her to any man willing to make the biggest offer. Ben, drunk and out of his mind, doubles up the highest offer and wins and suddenly wakes up the next morning married. But she's not just a submissive woman and pulls a gun on him the first night of sex, ensuring he knows she's not just some whore. He spends a good deal of time learning to be with a strong woman and so she ends up being a good wife for him in return. A nice reciprocated relationship for that time period.
However, now that he has a wife, the rest of the townsmen get jealous. Which makes him jealous in return and worried that others might try to take his wife. So he makes a plan to go and kidnap French women going to another town (on their way there to work at a Cat House) and then talks them into work in their town instead.
(we're just about there...)
While his character is away doing this "daring mission", Pardner and the Elizabeth end up spending a lot of time together. Too much time. And when Ben comes back, he catches Pardner and Elizabeth riding bareback together on a horse. Ben gets mad, confronts them. And Elizabeth tells Ben that she loves Parder. So Ben just says it's over, and wishes them a happy life. However, Elizabeth tells Ben not to go, that she loves him too. Ben says "now you can't have us both." To which Elizabeth responds; "Why not, I was with a man who had two wives..." And so then after all this, Ben, Pardner and Elizabeth agree to be together as a wife with two husbands.
Now, there is a lot of subtext and story and drama built within that movie, surrounding their relationship. And the relationship isn't the primary focus of the movie, but rather the last 1/3rd of the movie I'd say. But after I had watched the movie, I just couldn't stop thinking about that fact of that arrangement. I mean, I must have been in late Elementary School or early Middle School. Starting to just barely get those hormones and feelings for women. And it made so much more sense to me than people saying they could be with one person and one person only for the rest of their lives. Especially when I heard so much about divorces and cheating and manipulation. So the rest of my life, probably 20 years, I watched people in Monogamous relationships, myself included, go through bouts of jealousy, possessiveness, lack of communication and bitter mis-understandings.
It wasn't until about a year after my wife left me that I had found myself growing deeper and deeper into a depression. Jealous of so many other people's relationships. Angry that I couldn't have who I wanted to have in my life. Resentful that I was into women way out of my league. I was growing desperate. And women knew this, because I was projecting that desperation, which made me even more unattractive and it was such a vicious cycle. And then, by chance, I met someone who expressed interest back. However, the catch.... she was with a man and a woman in a Polyamorous relationship. This woman and I started spending more time together and we started sharing our affections for one another. I got to a point where I realized, if I was going to get closer, I had to think to myself "was I comfortable with her being with other people?" And quite honestly, it took me a night to think about it on their couch. *laughs* And the answer was yes, I was very comfortable about it.
It wasn't until about a year after my wife left me that I had found myself growing deeper and deeper into a depression. Jealous of so many other people's relationships. Angry that I couldn't have who I wanted to have in my life. Resentful that I was into women way out of my league. I was growing desperate. And women knew this, because I was projecting that desperation, which made me even more unattractive and it was such a vicious cycle. And then, by chance, I met someone who expressed interest back. However, the catch.... she was with a man and a woman in a Polyamorous relationship. This woman and I started spending more time together and we started sharing our affections for one another. I got to a point where I realized, if I was going to get closer, I had to think to myself "was I comfortable with her being with other people?" And quite honestly, it took me a night to think about it on their couch. *laughs* And the answer was yes, I was very comfortable about it.
That relationship lasted about six months. It was a very wonderful time in my life. By entering what I call a "Healthy Polyamorous Family", I was able to see people who communicated their intentions. I met people who did not get jealous about people spending time with "their" partner. There was an amazing amount of self control and personal self-health within everyone I had met. I had also met couples who had been together for over 15 years or more who were in Poly relationships the whole time. I got to hear their stories and how they made it work. I then met people on online communities who told me their stories as well. This was exactly what I had wanted and I now knew there were people out there who lived the life I wanted to live.
Now of course, it wasn't all peaches and cream. Just like a Monogamous relationship, it takes hard work to make things flow between two people, let alone more than two. That relationship had its ups and it definitely had its downs. But what I got out of it was so much more. It is now two years later and I haven't been with someone in a serious relationship since then. I've had a few girls that I've gotten close to. But things just didn't work out. And yet, I'm happy. Happier than I have ever been in a long time.
The reason for being happy is quite simple; I don't need the bullshit I see within most Monogamous relationships. I've now watched so many people cause their own relationshi-destruction because of that jealousy. Or mis-communications leading into devestating arguments. I've seen the needy and clingy nature of people who expect the other person to conform to their ideals and then get angry when it doesn't go their way. I've seen people get upset that their partner is out with a friend at a bar as the constant joke of almost every sitcom I've watched. And then I saw it in real life. A woman would get upset that her "man" was out with his friends all night, neglecting her at home. So she cheats and says something like "what do you expect?" and so on, so forth. There are so many examples and this obviously goes back and forth between men and women.
Living a Polyamorous lifestyle to me doesn't mean orgies 24/7. It means safe partners in life. Safe mentally and physically. People who are willing to focus on bettering their lives, losing the dependent nature of having someone in their life all the time. And finding someone (or many someones) who feel the same way. I've had people tell me "I'm too selfish of a person to let my partner be with someone else." And wow I just find that such a turn-off now. I watch Romantic Comedies, and while I enjoy the comedy aspect of the movie, and generally the love aspect, the whole desire to go through all the crazy things these people go through for love just baffles me now.
So if you're a female friend of mine, or someone who just barely knows me or is "friends" on Facebook or another Networking site, then you see now why I act the way I act. I'm attracted to you. I like some aspect about you. But that doesn't mean I want to sleep with you. It doesn't mean I want to control you or tell you how to live and love. It means that I want to get to know you and see what level we can meet back with one another because of that attraction. And I certainly don't want to "take you away from your man", but if I do connect with someone, I want to enjoy and share those connections without people getting jealous or upset. Because I'm perfectly happy with people I know also finding happiness within others. I have no need to "Be Everything" to someone. I'm already everything to myself. And that's pretty damn good..
Edited Once: 02-16-2013
Now of course, it wasn't all peaches and cream. Just like a Monogamous relationship, it takes hard work to make things flow between two people, let alone more than two. That relationship had its ups and it definitely had its downs. But what I got out of it was so much more. It is now two years later and I haven't been with someone in a serious relationship since then. I've had a few girls that I've gotten close to. But things just didn't work out. And yet, I'm happy. Happier than I have ever been in a long time.
The reason for being happy is quite simple; I don't need the bullshit I see within most Monogamous relationships. I've now watched so many people cause their own relationshi-destruction because of that jealousy. Or mis-communications leading into devestating arguments. I've seen the needy and clingy nature of people who expect the other person to conform to their ideals and then get angry when it doesn't go their way. I've seen people get upset that their partner is out with a friend at a bar as the constant joke of almost every sitcom I've watched. And then I saw it in real life. A woman would get upset that her "man" was out with his friends all night, neglecting her at home. So she cheats and says something like "what do you expect?" and so on, so forth. There are so many examples and this obviously goes back and forth between men and women.
Living a Polyamorous lifestyle to me doesn't mean orgies 24/7. It means safe partners in life. Safe mentally and physically. People who are willing to focus on bettering their lives, losing the dependent nature of having someone in their life all the time. And finding someone (or many someones) who feel the same way. I've had people tell me "I'm too selfish of a person to let my partner be with someone else." And wow I just find that such a turn-off now. I watch Romantic Comedies, and while I enjoy the comedy aspect of the movie, and generally the love aspect, the whole desire to go through all the crazy things these people go through for love just baffles me now.
So if you're a female friend of mine, or someone who just barely knows me or is "friends" on Facebook or another Networking site, then you see now why I act the way I act. I'm attracted to you. I like some aspect about you. But that doesn't mean I want to sleep with you. It doesn't mean I want to control you or tell you how to live and love. It means that I want to get to know you and see what level we can meet back with one another because of that attraction. And I certainly don't want to "take you away from your man", but if I do connect with someone, I want to enjoy and share those connections without people getting jealous or upset. Because I'm perfectly happy with people I know also finding happiness within others. I have no need to "Be Everything" to someone. I'm already everything to myself. And that's pretty damn good..
Edited Once: 02-16-2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Satisfaction...
One random frustration I have with my artwork lately; at
what point do I "settle and go"? Meaning, at what point, despite art
always having room for improvement, do you stop and get it ready for print or
show or even just being personally satisfied with how it looks?
An orc from a recent sketch session
I've had a constant frustration with this process most of
my life because it never fails that if I don't stop, I'll keep re-drawing,
re-designing over and over and over again until 10 years have passed by
*cough*. And yet, when I do reach a level of comfort on a piece, and feel that
it is ready to go, I'll post it online or have it in my portfolio, and it never
fails - another artist will then tell me how I should do it better.
To further the issue - I don't want to get upset at the
artist suggesting changes to me, but deep down inside, I do. I get offended.
I get upset. And I'm trying to figure it out and I never could understand why. I know as an
artist there are always better ways to do things and improve something. Anatomy could
always be more accurate. Lighting and shading could always be done in a more
proper manner. My composition and layouts could be treated with more thought to
how a viewer/reader will see my work and how it will “flow”. But to be honest,
there are days where I'm comfortable with how it looks and it annoys the hell
out of me that someone will suggest a change.
I’m comfortable with the level I'm at and how I'm doing things right now. Comfortable enough that once again I'm trying to get my butt back in gear and get a book and product out to people for 2013. And so this leads me to want to mention something else about this fact; I’m not putting a book out to get famous. I’m not putting a book out to get rich. I have a story and art to share "AS IS", for whomever is interested in viewing it. And so, despite being a little irritated about this fact, I’m choosing to push forward with it instead of letting it hold me back yet again. I’ve let this keep me back for almost 10 years now. No longer. I've allowed myself to get depressed, moody, embarassed... whatever the reason, it has been something that has personally affected me and hindered the process of art in my life. Aagain, no longer.
So if you’re a friend, a fellow artist or colleague that wants to suggest changes to my artwork. Please just save it until I ask for suggestion or help. If I get frustrated because my book isn't selling or people aren't interested in my art, then that is the result of this. And I am perfectly satisfied with that possible result. Because if you see my art somewhere, chances are I’m satisfied with it and posting it online or printing it in a book because “I” am happy with it. And that is what is currently important to me.
I’m comfortable with the level I'm at and how I'm doing things right now. Comfortable enough that once again I'm trying to get my butt back in gear and get a book and product out to people for 2013. And so this leads me to want to mention something else about this fact; I’m not putting a book out to get famous. I’m not putting a book out to get rich. I have a story and art to share "AS IS", for whomever is interested in viewing it. And so, despite being a little irritated about this fact, I’m choosing to push forward with it instead of letting it hold me back yet again. I’ve let this keep me back for almost 10 years now. No longer. I've allowed myself to get depressed, moody, embarassed... whatever the reason, it has been something that has personally affected me and hindered the process of art in my life. Aagain, no longer.
So if you’re a friend, a fellow artist or colleague that wants to suggest changes to my artwork. Please just save it until I ask for suggestion or help. If I get frustrated because my book isn't selling or people aren't interested in my art, then that is the result of this. And I am perfectly satisfied with that possible result. Because if you see my art somewhere, chances are I’m satisfied with it and posting it online or printing it in a book because “I” am happy with it. And that is what is currently important to me.
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