So my oldest daughter, Kyra, turned 6 years old last Friday (19th). Hard to believe it has been 6 years. I've been mulling this over the past two days on whether or not to post anything about it. As well as what and what not to post on Facebook or Blog about in my personal life. Things like; my divorce, not being around my kids, my financial problems, ect. I really want to be someone like Kevin Smith and post what ever the hell is on my mind without worrying about people taking it the wrong way. There is so much I've been holding back, and hopefully some day soon I will be able to talk about it. The things that have made me happy, sad, depressed, overjoyed. All of it.
So... back to the subject at hand; I got to talk to my daughter on the phone for (re-checks his cell phone) 1 minute 03 seconds on her Birthday. It happened so fast, she told me about getting presents and a cake and sounded really happy... and then she said goodbye and the phone was hung up. As easy as it is to assume and do something like put blame on others; I don't blame my ex-wife or her family. My daughter is young and probably just hung up the cell phone. But, it just... happened. And it hurt. It hurt, because I spent my daughter's 6th Birthday a mere 50 miles away from her. A simple 1-hour drive away. But I didn't have gas money. I didn't even have money to take her to lunch like I wanted to the day before her Birthday. And so I sat on my bed, in tears, missing my children, my wife, my family. And in tears because of the choices I make, right or wrong, that have lead me to this point in life.
Do I regret having kids? Getting Married? Meeting my wife? The short answer; NEVER! I still love my wife, I miss her, and I miss the love that we shared with one another. And it truly is a shame that we couldn't make things work. I suppose it doesn't matter who's fault it is. Mine or hers, or both? Who cares. It can be the children that suffer from this in the end. Both me and my wife can either get over our differences, or hold on to the grudges. But, the kids don't know why they have to live at Grandma and Grandpa's now (my inlaws). They don't know why they got to see their Daddy every other week for the first year I was sepparated from my wife. Visiting, a place they used to call home, instead of living there. And now, kids haven't stayed with me for over 3 months because I had to downgrade from the 2-bedroom apartment to renting a room to save money for the upcoming Child Support (now in effect).
It is very easy for friends to be on my side when you just read about my point of view. So I ask that anyone who reads this and may or may not know my wife to not pass judgement on her because of what I say. Blaming or putting fault on someone else is not the reason I write this, or any future Blogs about this Divorce situation. I am merely expressing what is on my mind and getting it out in words. If I were to truly write about this whole ordeal, it would be long, drawn out and bore the heck out of everyone because I don't know how to write very well. Maybe I'll be worthy of a book about my life some day, but I'm 32 years old, turning 33 shortly... I don't see me writing a book about my life until I'm at least 115. *smile*
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