I’ll rest in 2013

So this will be my last Blog for 2011. And it’s a whopper. So, sit back and relax, read at your own pace, and we’ll get through this together, I promise. Hehe.

Relationships:

“What’s this, Greg? You’re going to talk about Relationships? You never talk about your loneliness, your desire to have someone constantly in your life, or publicly display your desperate need for affection,” says you, reading this with a sarcastic tone to your brain. But here is the thing. I really am an outgoing personality. I don’t mind expressing personal issues in my life. I just generally don’t like to mention names or anything that would directly get people in trouble. So we’ll see how this one goes…

So the topic leads off with thus - I have made the choice not to date during the entire year of 2012. This is somewhat of a New Year’s Resolution. But I honestly think those are trendy and people don’t take that kind of change seriously when they make a trendy choice. The goal in this case this is to take control of my social life and put it aside for the sake of my work life. One of the main reasons behind my artwork and books not being completed over the years is because of depression and loneliness. And part of being lonely is my constant need for someone to be in my life.

As an issue that would affect me daily, 365 days a year, before my marriage and especially after my marriage ended, I would wake up every day wishing I had someone laying there next to me. I had a wonderful 6 months with my recent ex-girlfriend who, while definitely a great person at heart, and was fun to be with, was just not right for me in the end.

So now in the past eight months or so I’ve been once again battling depression and feeling alone, along with the constant feeling of co-dependency. And during this time I’ve had people in my life, and even a therapist, telling me I need to work on this issue - that it was making me give off an attitude of desperation and being clingy with every new girl I would meet. And that kind attitude can apparently turn women away. It wasn’t until it finally clicked in my head and I fully understood the feeling, and not just the words people would tell me, where I had finally decided to take charge of these feelings instead of letting them take charge of me. The literal “Light Bulb” over my head clicked on.

The F word: Friend - So the most common frustration when it comes to women for me is being friends. From the time I turned 18 all the way up until a few weeks ago, I have probably made friends with as many as a hundred girls over the years. Maybe even more. But let us just say it was an even 100 girls. I would say about 90 of those girls are women I am attracted to. (90% for those desperate for me to do some math. hehe). Let me share with you a YouTube video someone posted on Facebook the other day and see if we can’t touch partially on why this is an issue for the Greg:

Now I won’t necessarily claim this video contained factual scientific research. But the basic point is made; guys generally do not want to be friends with women.  Most of the time, (not always) the guy hangs around the girl because he is attracted to her. At the very least I can say this is true of myself. If you are a girl who was my friend and you are reading this right now, chances are I wanted to date you. Most likely though, you already know this. It never took long for me to spazz-out at some point and admit my feelings to a girl. Which in turn made my friendships awkward. Thus ending most of those friendships. Especially the ones I made in the last two years.

So the biggest frustration for me is the fact that I end up being around girls I like, who only want to be my friend.  And who do they call upon when their relationships fail; me. I give them an ear. Comfort them and show them that there is a guy out there who cares and can be there for them. But, do they then give me a chance to be in a relationship with them? Nope. Do I blame them? Well, I honestly used to. It used to frustrate me every time it happened to the point of falling asleep crying, wondering why the world was so unfair to me. I was not a confident guy growing up. And as time went on, I became needy, desperate and clingy and until recently, all I could do was blame the women for not giving me a chance.  Or be angry at God or some higher presence for constantly dealing me a crappy hand in life. And all these events pushed me to a breaking point these last few months

It has pretty much taken 15 years to get a better understanding on all of this. So much so, that now I’m trying to wipe out years of knowledge and experience, so that I can start over with a better understanding.  And it hasn’t been easy at all. The most recent situation with a girl “friend” hurt me so deeply that I stayed up several nights in a row crying because I fell so hard for her, yet I knew it was right to let her go. And I was sad because once again I didn’t get to have someone I cared passionately for.  

Angry at the world, pounding my fists on the headboard of my bed, I let out that overbearing emotion.  And then… towards the end of these two days, I was fed up. I had told myself two months ago already that I was done, and then once again I fell deeply in love with a “friend.”  So much that when we had the inevitable cut-off point I had to tell her that I couldn’t even be her friend because I didn’t want to make her new boyfriend uncomfortable with me being around.  Because the obvious eventuality of where I wanted things will go would not only hurt me, but hurt this new relationship she was forming with someone else.  

Do I blame her for any of this?  Hell no!  She’s following her heart.  I followed mine, and it wasn’t reciprocated.  And so I sit here realizing that if I were to keep playing the “sob story” every time this happened to me, I would continue living a pathetic life. And I’m done with that choice.

And so I moved closer to deciding that I will not be dating for an entire year. But not before one more issue…

I’ll share with you a recent situation that, along with the “Friend” situation, had pushed me to the breaking point, leading up to this decision - I finally signed up for a dating site. Zoosk.com. Now I’ve had a profile on Zoosk already, but you have to pay them money to read the messages and flirts and what not between you and other users. So the week of Thanksgiving I finally decided “why not?” And so I paid for a month subscription, went on there and started looking at profiles. Naturally you see a photo and then go from there. A lot of photos really turned me off. Some were just ungodly unattractive and I wanted to send a message to these girls telling them how to take a better photo. And the others were either obviously fake accounts or I felt if they were real, they were way out of my league. So when I finally found the ones that I thought were interesting enough, I sent them a flirt or a message. I was honest and said I was skeptical of how some of the profiles might be fake and that I was hoping to find real people on there to chat and get to know better. Eventually I sent around 20 messages sent out.

To my surprise, later in the evening, I got a response.  The first day?  It was a girl telling me to call her and she left her cell number in the message.  I was still skeptical.  I had figured that this was just a fake account to get me to call a sex-line and not a real person. But the number was local. So to test it out, I texted the number instead of calling. “Hey, this is Greg from Zoosk.”  A few minutes later, I got a response. “Greg?” And then followed by “Mocktales?” Because I forgot I actually made my account the name of my comic book. (No discrete dating for this guy. Hehe). Anyhow, so we started a texting conversation to get to know one another. Asking the basic questions. “Testing the field” as it were. And she had asked if we could talk. I was still nervous so I said I was busy with work and could only text.

I finally got the courage to call about 10:00pm and that was when things got really interesting. She had told me that she thought I was hot and kept looking back at my photo. Wanted to know which photo was current (I had one photo with short hair from a year ago and one with my current long hair). After I said long hair, but stated I wanted to cut it in April, she was telling me I shouldn’t. That she thought it was really hot. This girl was really expressing how much she was into me physically. I never get that kind of attention from a girl I like and it felt great. And she constantly throughout the phone call said she kept looking back at my photo. I was both flattered and starting to get a little paranoid because I thought it was too good to be true to find such a nice person the first night on a dating site.

Then she started sending me photos. Now, her profile photo was very cute. Got the glasses-thing going on and I thought she looked adorable. (This was why I initially sent her a message.) But then she texted me a clear profile bust shot (from waist to head) and I couldn’t believe it. She was gorgeous! I was very thankful I had gotten to know her personality first, because she was not only attractive as a person, but very physically attractive too. Then some other photos followed that were very… VERY flattering. And so the phone call went on until 1:00am in which we were getting along very well. We even got a little hot and heavy and had some fun and - I’ll leave it at that. But we ended the night happy to have talked to each other and discussed possibly meeting for coffee that following Saturday if she was free from family obligations. She said she would call me around noon on Thanksgiving and let me know. I fell asleep contently feeling very good about Dating Sites thanks to this one particular person.

Thanksgiving arrived. My goal for the day was to go and get the kids in the afternoon and then come back to a wonderful dinner with the household I live with. But I was feeling very good about the person I had met the night before. So I sent her a follow-up text saying how grateful I was to meet someone so nice on the site and wished her a fun time with her family and a Happy Thanksgiving. No answer. But no worries, I had my hands full with the kids and we had a great day and she was off to her own family gig.

Black Friday; (really wish they would change the name of this day). So I grabbed the kids and we started heading back to the south area to meet up with a friend to stay at their place for the evening. The roommates were having a party and so I didn’t want to burden them with the kids. As we waited for the bus, I got a text back from my Zoosk girl telling me she was hung over from too much turkey and that she was out shopping with her mom. I said a few kind words, sent her another picture of myself in a nice sweater, to which she complimented me again for sending. And then I asked once more; “How was meeting for coffee on Saturday looking?”  She replied “Not sure. There is talk of a cabin.” And that was the last I ever heard from her.

I texted on Saturday to see if she was available. No response. I called once to leave a friendly message. No answer. So then I felt I was being too pushy. Everyone tells me don’t be pushy, let it happen or you’ll push a girl away. But then other people tell me to take chances and don’t hesitate, seize the moment! I had gotten to the point where I thought this person was really into me, that I thought it was okay to text her as much as I did. And maybe it was too much. Maybe I forced the issue and ruined my chances. Maybe she and her family did go out for a weekend getaway and was busy. I can’t fault anyone for spending time with their family. But I’ll never know, because she never responded.

So a week later, maybe one or two messages since, I finally decided to try one last time to see if she was free for the following Saturday. Again, no response. I ended up meeting with a friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in many years. And the conversation came up about whether I was dating anyone. I brought up the situation with the girl from Zoosk. And this friend isn’t exactly the most tactful friend. He grabbed my phone when I wasn’t looking, got this girl’s number, and called it. I came back into the room and he’s on the phone. No answer. And so he tells me what he did. “If I call from my phone, and she answers, she’s avoiding your calls, Bro. But if she doesn’t answer, there is a possibility that she is still out of town or busy.” Not completely logical, but I get what he was trying to do. And then, he gets a text on his phone. “Who is this?”  Still holding my phone, my friend calls her number and hands me my phone. “There you go, Bro. Her phone works. She don’t answer, her fool-ass is ignoring ya.” As you can see, my friend is not the most clear-speaking kind of individual. Hehe.

No answer. Instead of leaving a message, I just discouragingly hung up. This was mere moments after her text. There was no doubt at this point; she was ignoring me. I told my friend to delete her number and to just forget it. But he was already trying to text her back with some wild scheme that he was accidentally texting another friend or something.  I told him to just let it go. That I was done. This was a lost cause and the situation is already getting way out of control as it is. And in return, I called her again, left her an apology message about my friend and told her I was deleting her number and done.

In the span of a week my hopes were lifted and then fell back down to earth about the reality of things. And by the following week after that, I realized I was done with dating for a long time. I don’t have the knowledge or energy to play dating games. To try and understand “what women want?” In all the time I would spend trying to date and get to know women, I could be spending that time finishing my artwork, saving money, and going somewhere in my life. Which had been wasted already in the last ten or more years. And in the end, the right kind of girl will know why I sacrifice my time in order to make a better future for myself and eventually for my kids when they can spend more time with their Father as well.

And a little word of advice to you ladies… no, not just ladies - to people in general; if you’re signing up for a dating site or someone is obviously contacting you for the purposes of dating, give them the decency to tell them that you’re not interested any more. Don’t leave them hanging. And on the other hand, if someone doesn’t call you back, don’t dwell on why. Just accept and move on. In the end, it sucks not to hear back from someone you’re interested in. But it also sucks to assume that things are “meant to be” just because you had one “good” night or conversation with someone special.

Now for the important stuff… (Silly women…)

MockTales – Books and Artwork:

First off, Project Molten – Originally I wanted to get this book done by October 2011. But some of the test prints have come out off-color and I have to re-adjust. On top of that, finishing all the design work has taken me a lot longer than I originally planned. In addition to wanting to give up because of the (what I now realize as silly relationship depression thing), I’ve put myself back into working hard and finishing the book.

Changes – I am taking out the 10-page preview of MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn. This is due to how close the book is going to come out along with this first issue due to the delay. So with that space I am putting in more concept and design work. Maybe some more photography. We’ll see how it all looks as I piece it together. I will be going out to take more photos this week.

Legal stuff – I am going to be talking to someone about a few legal issues concerning the book. Don’t worry, no one is after me and I’m not after anyone else. But I want to lock down some things with a lawyer before I start really soliciting the books and bringing them out to everyone. I’m not going to lie, I wish and dream my stories would get well-known enough to get a movie deal or cartoon or something mass-media. But I know the reality of things as well. So this step is towards being prepared and I feel it only costs me a little time and money now to ensure a proper future for the product later.

General Outlook/Future of MockTales – I am going to be looking to do the following for the first quarter of 2012:

MockTales: Project Molten – To be out by MegaCon, February 2012. I will be trying to bring a few copies to the show for people even though (at this time) I don‘t have a table at the show.

MockTles: Ashcan Preview Re-print – I will be re-printing the Ashcan I did with Rob Hicks’ artwork that we brought out a couple years ago. This time it will be a full size comic format with a couple extra goodies inside. Right now I am looking for an early March release for this book. And then I will be bringing plenty of copies to Emerald City Comic Con and other shows through the year.

MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn – The first full release comic book I’m going for. We are bringing this book out at Emerald City Comic Con 2012, March 30, 31^st and April 1^st. I will most likely have the book on sale at the show so I can get it to as many people who are interested in it. And then if all goes well, it will be available to order online or at Comic Stores interested in picking up a few stacks. And obviously and subsequent shows afterwards.

MockTales: Doctor Demolition – A 1-shot book slated for Fall/Winter of 2012. Right now I am working out deals with who the artist will be on this book. But I will announce that as soon as I finishing working those details out. This book will be “testing the waters” to see if people are interested in expansion stories for the MockTales/Nexus Earth comic universe. If there is enough positive feedback, then I will slowly start expanding to my other stories as well as time, money and interest allows.

Conventions 2012:

The following is my current convention list for 2012. I have a small code to show what I will be doing at each show:

(A)   Attendee, no booth or table

(E)  Exhibiting at a booth or table

(M) MockTales booth with someone else working it.

Wizard World New Orleans, Louisiana – (A) January 27^th – 28^th. I will be helping my friend Jason Metcalf at his table. Stop by and support Jason at the show and see us both!

MegaCon ,Orlando, Florida – (A) February. Once again helping Jason Metcalf and attending this show with my own stuff. I am pushing for a table of my own, but they are sold out. I will update if I get one. Otherwise I will be walking around with books and meeting people while also helping Jason occasionally.

Emerald City Comic Con, Seattle, Washington – (E) March 30, 31^st and April 1^st. This is the big show for me. Bringing out all the books at this one. I will be set up in Artist Alley again and can’t wait to show everyone what I have in store for them. I will also be trying to do some video at the show and getting tons more photos. Keep an eye out for the MockTales Girls walking around giving out fliers and coupons.

C2E2, Chicago, Illinois – (E) April 13^th to 15th.

Spokane Comic Con, Spokane, Washington – (E) May 19th.

Phoenix Comic Con, Phoenix, Arizona – (E) May 24^th to 27^th.

Crypticon, Seatac, Washington – (M) May 25^th to 27^th.

San Diego Comic Con, San Diego, California – (A) July 12^th to 15^th.

Wizard World Chicago, Chicago, Illinois (E) August 9^th to 12^th.

Dragon*Con, Atlanta, Georgia – (A) August 31^st to September 3^rd.

New York Comic Con, New York City, New York – (E) October 11^th to 14^th. Looking to bring out MockTales: Doctor Demolition at this show.

My New Campaign:

“I’ll rest in 2013”, my new campaign slogan for 2012 - where I plan to focus on working hard for everything I want in life.

I will be working hard at my day job to clean up my debt, save up enough money so I don’t have to rent a room anymore and get a place of my own, and provide more for my kids because they deserve everything they need. The job I work at has great pay, good benefits and is secure. Or as secure as you can be in this day and age. And I am grateful to have this job. So why not work hard, right?

I will be working hard on my own personal self-growth. Putting aside my wants and desires for someone in my life. Creating a stronger Greg who will be able to handle anything in life by himself. And after this year of self-growth, then I will be seeking out someone who is equally strong in their own self-growth.

I will be working hard on this dream I have put off for so long. My comic book. My story. Those silly little ideas I have had in the back of my head ever since I was able to consciously think. All of it will finally come into fruition in 2012. And in order to do this, I cannot sleep-in on days off. I cannot take a day off, period. I cannot rest… in 2012. So, I’ll rest in 2013.

Business Skills = Fail

To start things off with this blog, I wanted to discuss my recent business ventures. Good and Bad. Because I think a lot of people have been under the impression that I know what I'm doing... [laughs].

The Business of Commissions:

I'm still on the last set of my commissions from earlier in the year. This was the first year I received a bulk amount of commission orders. I learned a lot from both the success and failure of these commissions. - I’ve had people waiting a long time for their orders. I’ve also had people change their minds and cancel. And unfortunately I’ve had to refund money to people as well.

I’m willing to admit, I’m not very good at this.  But, I have been learning to improved and have been getting better as I push my way through the learning experience that 2011 has been. 

Some people would say “What’s the big deal? Why don’t you stay on top of things, Greg.” And I really wish I could explain everything and anything that caused all these problems. But there are too many to talk about.  And not all of the issues are things I can make public. A lot of it is personal.  And a lot of it has to do with other people’s business; which I don’t feel is something I should be speak about publicly.

What I can tell people is that I am doing all this on top of working a full time job, fixing debt from my failed marriage, finishing my divorce and fighting depression.  I don’t say these things to excuse my actions.  But merely to provide some answers and understanding about what I am going through.

Future Commissions: I’m looking to start up a new round of orders in December. However, I will be setting up more firm commissioning rules. These are for protecting myself and the customer.  This list will be available by December 1^st and posted in as many places as I can provide it.

WANT vs. CAN:

One of the problems I’ve been learning from is my “want” vs. “can” situation.  I want very much to have a vast comic book Universe to entertain people with.  But since I am only one person, with only so much time, there is only so much that I “can” do. 

The problem; I tell everyone what I want to do and I have had a lot of people asking “Where is the book? You’ve been talking about creating a comic for 15 years!”  Well, like many creators, I’ve had ideas on my brain since I was 6 years old. And MockTales is an accumulation of all my years as a sentient being daydreaming about this and that.  I wrote the core of what you’ll see in the first book of MockTales in 2003. I adapted to a new version in 2007 that gave it a little more edge. And then after my wife left in 2009 I wrote what I feel is the final version that has more character and plot development, and I am now going forward with now that I am single and have more free time again. 

All these years I haven’t been ready, despite expressing my want to have the book out.  And because of this, I feel I have let a lot of people get hyped or mislead that it was going to happen.  I wanted it to happen.  But I wasn’t ready.  Want vs. Can.

So now that I’ve explained that tidbit, “where are you at now”, you ask?  As of this Blog this is the following schedule for my art and comic activities:

MockTales: Project Molten – An 80-page concept design and art book for the MockTales Universe. This book is being moved to release in December 2011. Delays are due to formatting issues with printers. Spending the next 30-45 days tweaking and making sure things are right before final print production.

MockTales 2009 Ashcan reprint – Our 2009 Ashcan written by myself and illustrated by Rob Hicks will be re-printed into a regular comic book format and then re-lettered and colored. This will give everyone a look at Tim Garn before the fateful day of the first issue.  We will be bringing this book out in February or March of 2012, prepping for the first issue of the main book at Emerald City Comic Con late March.

MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn #1 – Coming out at Emerald City Comic Con, March 30, 31^st and April 1^st, 2012, Seattle Wa. This is the book that I have been telling everyone about. Most of the book is done and a preview will be in the Project Molten Art book as well as online in December.  The current goal is to put out 3-4 issues a year.

Conventions:

I will be looking to attend as many conventions during 2012 as I can.  Initially I was going to schedule 12 shows (12 in 2012). However, that is a lot of money and seeing as how I’m trying to get out of debt, I will be attempting to make it to conventions only if I can afford them and the time permits.  You can guarantee that I will be at the local shows in my area; Emerald City Comic Con, Spokane Comic Con, Bellingham Comic Con and Jet City Comic Show. (Other formatted local conventions are TBA. i.e. Crypticon or Norwescon, ect)

My goal at conventions is to get as many people as possible interested in MockTales. Advertise and spread the word on the Universe I am creating.  I’m not looking to make a ton of money out of this whole venture. (Of course I won’t complain if I do either).  Drawing comics is what I love in my spare time.  I work a day job to pay the bills.  But if I can break even at conventions, then I can schedule more and visit various areas of the States, let alone eventually making it to shows in other Countries as well.

Make it or break it - I’ll rest in 2013!:

In all honestly, 2012 is my “make it or break it” year.  If I’m not able to make this comic book work in 2012 then that is pretty much it for me. I’ll pull back to doing occasional commissions and maybe a few 1-shot books once in a while.  But no more creating a comic book series and Universe.

The reason behind this is because I am going to be giving up a lot of my time to get this all going next year.  And time is valuable to me.  If it becomes a waste of my time and money, then I would much rather work my day job and just stay out of the comic book business. 

However, if I can make some success or maybe break even with this venture, then I will keep going.  So either way, I’m looking to work hard in 2012.  And part of knowing whether or not this is working is getting feedback from everyone checking out my work.  Email me.  Send me a message on Facebook.  Or buy art and books from me and show me your support when you can. 

Thanks again everyone.  This crazy train is about to leave the station!

MockTales: Project Molten

As Greg slowly glances at another 11x17 photocopy sheet of paper filled with sketches, he smiles and places it on a pile next to his desk. Now approaching several hundred sketches, the artwork, time and effort going into MockTales: Project Molten has been tasking, but well worth the effort.

Well everyone, we're fast approaching the Jet City Comic Show in just a week and a half. The original plan was to have MockTales: Project Molten done by showtime. But because of a back injury I had a few months ago, I have been at least 3 weeks behind. In trying to catch up on things, I haven't been sleeping or eating properly and that has made me fatigued and sick. So instead of killing myself (chuckles a bit), I decided to delay the book a month and bring it out in October.

With the delay, this of course means that I was going to be leaving myself short of product at the Jet City show. However, in talking with fellow collaborators and creators I decided that I'm going to put together an Ashcan for the show with previews of stuff I have already finished for the book. This Ashcan will most likely be all Black & White and only $2.00 in price. I will be putting coupons in the back as well for MockTales: Project Molten, T-Shirts and the first Issue of the ongoing series; MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn.

On the note of T-Shirts, we have our first set on order - MockTales: "Comics Make Me Horny". If everyone is sensing a "Spaceballs the movie, the t-shirt, th e breakfast cereal, the flame thrower..." theme to this, you're right. I'm hip to getting the name MockTales out to everyone and anyone who is interested. All the books I'm creating will have MockTales on them, and then their primary title will dominate the book cover. (i.e MockTales: The Adventures of Tim Garn or MockTales: Doctor Demolition)

With all the work I'm putting into this book, as well as other projects coming out later, I hope to finally show everyone the world I've had stuck in my head for quite some time now. I tell people that these books and stories are 8-10 years in the making, but in all honesty they will contain things I've dreamt up my whole life. Anything is possible as long as you try, work hard, and make things happen. I've fought depression and other obstacles to finally get where I am. And I will tell anyone that if you have a dream, and it doesnt hurt another person to achieve this dream, then go for it!

And lastly, I have a Kickstarter campaign set up to help fund MockTales: Project Molten. Fund raising is always tricky because you're asking people to contribute money to a cause they may not care or give a damn about. Even with incentives. But thankfully in this case we're looking good so far and if the progress continues, we'll have our funding goal achieved. If you're reading about it here first, the goal is $1000 and the deadline is October 15th, 6pm PST. You can contribute at any time and you won't be charged until October 15th, and only if we make our funding goal. So for those who say they won't get paid until next week, month, ect, you can still pledge and not get charged until October 15th. Head to the Kickstarter Link here: MockTales: Project Molten

Cover pencils for MockTales: Project Molten:


Sample sketch art:

Cosplay Girls

A little off the beaten path (if thats the correct way to say/spell that). I thought I would entertain all of you with my thoughts on Cosplay. And specifically my thoughts on girls that Cosplay.

My first initial reaction to people dressing up in costume at comic conventions back in 1996/1997 was a bit laughable. I feel bad saying this, because that was when it was really daring to dress up. The costumes were crummy and horrible. Maybe someone had some funky wolverine claws, but that was it... and then they couldn't carry things around the show cause of the claws.

But then as we moved forward into the year 2000 things started changing. We started seeing women dressing up in costume. The Slave Leia's started showing up. The Electra's, Psylocke, Rogue... you name it. Girls were trying it out. Some girls (and guys), not to be harsh, should never had put spandex on. Now, mind you, I'm going to be direct here and say that it isn't so much about the weight on a girl. Even a little extra weight on a girl can still look healthy and sexy. It pretty much is when you say it like the comedian Gabriel Iglesias says; "Daaaaaaammn!" that we start to wish some people wouldn't dress up in costume.

As the mid-2000's hit and I was able to attend some of the larger comic conventions (Wizard World Chicago and San Diego Comic Con), and our very own Seattle show Emerald City Comic Con started getting larger, I had noticed a variety of what people would classify as "Hotties" showing up at conventions dressed in Cosplay. Some were "Booth Babes" hired to bring in the customer to the table, or get a flier for what they were advertising. Others started showing that even they were interested in dressing up for conventions. And suddenly it became apparent that the comic, geek, gamer and nerd industry was no longer just fat sweaty guys in their Mom's basements.

So I currently find myself single. Creating my own comic and art book. And it hits me (what was probably already apparent, but my mind finally caught up)... I should try to find myself a single Cosplayer hottie to date. On paper, in theory, wishfully, I would think.... that a girl like that should be a hell of a lot more compatible than what I have been dating. Without going too deep into things, a guy like me needs someone a little more understanding about the world I live in, think in, create in. And while I say I want to date a Cosplayer, what I really mean is that I'm looking for a girl that wants to live, eat and breath in my creative world.

And honestly, the best thing anyone can do is take care of yourself. Be self sufficient, self reliant, and watch how co-dependent you are on a relationship and having someone in your life. I'm making steps towards being a little more along the lines of being there for myself. But at the same time, I also know how truly amazing life could be with someone more compatible. And so I am on a quest while I work on MockTales, work on my life, work on everything I need to do.

I am getting more and more picky the more I think about the kind of girl I want to be with these days. And so because of this, oddly enough, I have finally become that which I was always annoyed with... someone who says "sorry, not interested" to a member of the opposite sex. But saying yes to the first girl who accepted me has proven to put me in bad relationships. My fault, her fault... doesn't matter at this point. They were bad relationships. So... time to be picky, build something special with someone, and ensure that quality is achieved.

Thanks for listening to the ramblings. Moving on to getting artwork done... and daydreaming about Cosplay girls.

Another brief update

Great news! My back feels great today. Yesterday was the first day in a while I was able to sit at the drawing table for a long time before experiencing any pain or comfort issues. My hand was steady and so I finished three Commissions (posting scans after work today).

I figure I am about two weeks behind on my plans for my art book MockTales: Project Molten. But I'll make it work. After my visit with my kids this weekend I'll be moving into overtime on drawing and people will start to see considerable results. While I don't want to release too much of what I've done already, I will most likely share with people two to three designs pages to give an idea of what the book is going to be like.


In other news - going to see Harry Potter: Deathly Hallows pt2 tonight. I'm anxious to see how things get wrapped up. Already people are telling me how good it is and the sad and cheerful moments. I know some people think Harry Potter is lame, but I look at it from the point of view as a creator. A world was created in 7 novels that inspired and entertained millions of people. If I could be even 1/10th as sucessful as this franchise with MockTales I'll be happy. But we'll see how things go. As always, its about getting the work done.

Health and Status

Injury:
Well everyone, my attempts to get better and on track have once again hit a bad snag. The last two weeks I've been trying to keep my game face on while dealing with a hurt back. I made the bad decision to lift a TV by myself helping a friend (again, "my" bad decision in case she is reading this. lol).

So, thinking I was John Wayne or something, I just let things go and eventually it caught up to me this past Sunday and Monday when my body shut down and I was having chills and sweats. My body was achy like I had the flu.

Getting better sleep has helped my improvement and of course I went to the Doctor finally to get checked out. "A possible herniated disc" is what he says. Maybe even just a pulled muscle. But signs indicate that I am healing and I will need to keep resting and doing proper stretches for a few more weeks while on some miner pain meds.

Artwork:
So naturally I hurt myself shortly after I announced my Art Book for September. This has put me behind not only with my Art Book, but finalizing my script for MockTales #1 and of course the last of my Commissions from March/April. While I only have a few commissions left, people have been waiting and my first priority is still getting those commissions done and shipped out to everyone. (again, if you ordered from me it is always best to email me at mocktales@gmail.com and not comment publicly online).

Being Single:
So once again in my life, as of the last 8 weeks, I have become single. I was in what I consider a very good relationship with someone with whom I felt was very special. I attribute a lot of the good things in my life these days because of my interaction with my recent relationship. But unfortunately things didn't work out and we parted ways.

There are various different feelings I have been having when reacting to this whole thing; Confusion. Anger. Sadness. Joy. Disapointment. And more. I had what I thought was the beginnings of something really wonderful with someone and then all of a sudden (to me at least) it was taken away. It isn't just my fault or hers specifically. But in the end it just plain sucks and of course all you want is the good times you had before everything went wrong.

You then see the person after the breakup and your first impulse is to smile, to hug, to kiss... but then you remember that it isn't allowed any more. And the pain you feel at that moment is unbearable. But dampens with time.

In going through these past few months since my breakup I haven't been too happy to do much, despite my outward and outgoing attitude people see online or in person. I've been sad and depressed and hurting. But I'm learning the lessons this is supposed to be teaching me and, once again, all I can do is move forward.

There is more indepth things about this whole situation, but out of respect and love for her, I don't want to turn this into a rant. It just sucks and it feels good at least getting some of this out.

I miss her terribly...

Interviewed by Peter Palmiotti
On Sunday, July 3rd, I was interviewed by Peter Palmiotti on his Podcast. You can go to his Talk Shoe page at the link below. Check out my interview as well as many others. Peter is a nice casual interviewer and I had a great time chatting with him. Also look up is artwork on Deviant Art and add him to your networking sites! This is the first of what I am hoping will be many interviews helping spread the word of my artwork and the world of MockTales!

http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=74008&cmd=tc

Long Time Coming!

I am happy to announce that at the Jet City Comic Show, (September 24th 2011) I will be releasing MockTales: Project Molten. This will be a 60 + page book containing all the concept art and designs I have been doing for all the characters, creatures and places in MockTales/Nexus Earth. This art book will be available fully in print, and I will be showing some previews online all Summer.

I am also happy to announce that the 10-page preview of MockTales: Adventures of Tim Garn will also be in MockTales: Project Molten, as well as available online in September.

This has all been a long time coming. I have lots to do this summer and that includes everything I've been catching up on lately. Many of you have been patient. Others have not (understandably of course). All I can say at this point is that I'm working as hard as I can to make things happen and I'm looking forward to finally getting these books done.

Here is a sample of one of the cover sketches for MockTales: Project Molten

Selling Artwork

I seem to be caught in an interesting dilemma; figuring out my artistic self-worth when it comes to pricing my art.

On one hand, I'm not as well known as I would like to be - in the comic book-artistic community. But I have been gaining enough attention that I feel blessed, thanks to so many of you already who have bought artwork from me lately. And to those who have helped spread the word. Thanks to many of you, hard work is paying off in more ways than one.

So, now I have come to a difficult decision; to sell my artwork at a higher price. I do not raise my price due to inflated ego, but because I feel plenty of hard work is ahead. And for this hard work, I plan to bring people what I have been promising for years; MockTales! And a world of amazing adventures, excitement and fantasy.

If all goes well, and this year's hard work proves me worthy, then my excitement for creation and art will come into fruition as promised to you all.


A brief bit of random creative writing for the Blog:

"Caught myself looking in the mirror again. *gasp* Am I actually feeling good about myself and body? Could this be? Could positive changes and hard work be paying off? My body, is more tone. My hair, longer and thick. My confidence, grows stronger each day. A timid boy is growing into a strong man. Tell me this pleases you, and you too shall know what it is like to enjoy this growth."

Public Transportation Girls

So an interesting thought entered my brain as I was on the bus home from work yesterday. But I'll get to that in a moment...

Since my truck is essentially toast (transmission is almost ready to crash and burn), I have been getting rides from my girlfriend and using the bus to get to work. This has been a radical change for me, as I have always been used to driving myself places for the past 16 years. Since using the bus, I have felt like I have been dodging a cold almost every week. While the Sound Transit buses are fairly clean and comfortable, the Seattle Metro buses have, on occasion, smelled like pee and always have someone weird sitting up front right on your left after you pay, almost as if they want you to trip over them and purposely cause a problem. This isn't every bus ride, but seems to be frequent enough. But even still, I do enjoy the fact that public transportation is available. I have met some really nice drivers and had good conversations. And regardless of the condition of the buses, these drivers do seem to put up with a lot in order to get people places, drive through narrow streets with extra long vehicles, and do all this on a fairly decent timetable.

I love to drive. I am also an arrogant driver. While I may have seem timid about everything else in life, I honestly feel that I am very proficient in driving and that other people on the roads are idiots. What this means then, is that when other people are driving me around to places, I am uncomfortable for at least the first few drives before I can finally let my guard down. Sometimes longer. I feel that I see things that they don't, and I may scoff or jerk in my seat because I naturally feel I would have reacted faster or differently. And from what I'm told, I'm not the only one that feels this way. So now that I am without a vehicle, I do actually find myself letting my guard down a bit more and putting a lot more faith in other drivers (that I am being driven by). I still think people are idiots for not knowing how to use 4-way stops.

So back to girls on public transportation; Last night I was riding home on the bus and I sat in one of those seats that faces sideways looking towards the other side at other passengers. This was a full bus leaving Seattle for North Seattle. And right across from me were three attractive girls, roughly early 20's, two of them with really nice legs. To my right view, in an attempt to look out the window past the middle accordion-looking connection piece, was two more attractive girls, also early 20's, and then to my left view was an extremely attractive late 20's business girl with nice legs as well. While I honestly don't want to sound like I'm complaining with the over abundance of attractive women on the bus, but I actually was tired and just wanted to rest until my stop. But I couldn't find a comfortable spot to just face and look. Every angle was covered and I didn't want these girls thinking I was staring at them. I'm confident in my life right now that if I find a girl attractive, I'll smile and make conversation. But last night I was just tired. The only option, close my eyes. BUT, if I fell asleep I might miss my stop. What a situation!! But, alas I made it through without a scratch. And in the end, the three girls in front of me smiled at me as they left, which almost made me feel like they knew what I was going through.

All you girls know guys go through this don't you? Don't lie... *laughs*

April Showers?! nah...

So here I am, back again. Another attempt at keeping a Blog/Journal going. Lets do some catching up with this one.

Debt - So with the help of over 20-25 Commission orders and a Loan, I was able to get my debt issues caught up to about 80%. With this, however, I now have more artwork to do than I have ever imagined putting on my plate. Slowly, but surely I have been finishing and sending out everyone's orders. I would like to take a moment in this journal to thank those who are waiting patiently for their artwork, let alone everyone who helped me through this.

Personal Health and development - In the past few weeks I have been able to engage myself into "personal development" mode (along with help from people I love and care about of course). After not being able to make it to C2E2 in Chicago, I got really down and out about things. And one of the things I've had a hard time doing for the better part of my whole life, is working on my personal self-growth. I am reading The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. While this book points out the obvious things we should all know in life, it also puts things into perspective. Various topics talk about how you are raising human beings, not just children. Then there is a chapter I am entering soon talking about Love and Cathexis and how we all think Love is one thing, when it really is another. I could go on, but I really think a good chunk of people I know should read this book to gain a better perspective on life. I even bought a copy for my soon to be ex-wife, because regardless of divorce, she is the mother of my children and it means a lot to me that my kids are around a strong and supportive person as they learn to grow and develop into the people they will soon become.

MockTales - I'm syked to look at my art desk and see more development artwork for my book. The MockTales Wiki has been getting more and more information as I have free time to write. Finally getting out things in my head that have been there for years, and seeing it in print online, makes this whole project that much more exciting. And then hearing back from a lot of people who have been reading and waiting for this, and telling me how they are enjoying what they are reading so far, pumps me up even more! At this rate, an Art Book should be out by Fall/Winter of this year, 2011. I can't say it is Official yet, but things are looking more likely than ever.

Happy April, 2011 everyone. This looks to be a very productive month, let alone 2011 being a very productive year. Here is to Productivity!!

2011 - A new beginning!

Well, where do I begin?...

First of all, its good to start a new Year. I left 2010 behind as one of the biggest changing years of my existence. The Good, the Bad, the Ugly and then the Life-Changing circumstances of it all.

Here we sit in the year 2011. A good 40 days into it, in fact, with 325 remaining (at the time I’m writing this of course). In these past 40 days I’ve had to come to some resolutions in my life. Make choices that will break some ties, burn some bridges, and finally close some wide gaps with others. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of friends in the past 7 years. But in return, I have met an entirely new set of people as well. The core of these people are not the kind who will hold my hand and pull me along in life, but rather travelers on similar paths who will encourage me and in turn be encouraged by me as we continue on to our journey in life.

Artwork: I have reached a point now where I am slowly, but surely, getting back to the art desk. I am almost done with my first inked drawing since probably 2001/2002. I feel I have found inspiration once again. And I’m not rushing into it, but slowly easing myself back in to avoid burn-out. However, I’ve been trying to identify what is really holding me back from putting out my comic book; MockTales. And quite honestly I’ve been working on bits and pieces of this book since 2002/2003. I feel burnt out and pressured to keep trying to get an actual comic book and story put together that I’m always willing to give it up every three months to regain some sanity. So, with that note I’ve decided to put the actual “MockTales: Adventures of Tim Garn” book on hold until March of 2012. Most likely shooting for a release at the 2012 Emerald City Comic Con here in Seattle. With the actual book on hold, I will be using this time to develop a concept Art Book called “MockTales: Project Molten Magma.” This 50+ page book will contain characters and locations from the MockTales Universe, and even some random artworks too. I will be putting some of my Photography in this Art Book as well so people can see what parts of Seattle have influenced me, as well as some of the models I’ve been working with to learn to draw better. While I have had some really devoted people waiting for me to get the main book of MockTales done, at this point I feel that people really would like to just see me get something out and an Art Book is what feels right at this time. I can spend another year working with an Editor making sure that the story is going to be right and that fans will get a good quality book instead.

Deadlines and Promises: I’ve written about it before, but one of the biggest problems in 2010 was not following through on both self-created deadlines and also not following through on delivery of commissioned artwork. With the dream of making a comic book always cruising through my brain, I found myself getting into the position of telling people what I wanted, and not what I was capable of doing. As mentioned before, at the end of 2009 my wife left me, took the kids and asked for a divorce. “Who’s fault” and “details” on the situation are irrelevant and no one’s business but between me and my ex-wife. However, going through a divorce and suddenly going from family to single has had its good and bad moments. The bad has been depression and loneliness. Feeling lonely all the time made me feel like giving up on everything I want to do, including creating a comic book. Others would try to tell me to get my ass in shape and knock it off. But I found myself just wanting to give up even more when people did this. So, to help fix things I am going to counseling to get everything off my chest and find a good mental path to focusing and planning things better in life. I’m not ashamed to admit I need counseling. I feel it is best to get my priorities straightened out, especially if I’m promising everyone things and not following through. The other thing is that I am finally getting a team of people to help me. Which has been hard because I’ve been afraid to give up some of my creative vision in order to do this. But quite honestly, I have a whole world I am trying to create and I am but one individual. One person, or at least “me”, cannot do this alone. I have an assistant that has helped me get caught up on Commissions and shipping. And I am going to be working with an Editor to get the MockTales storyline set up for a continued set of story arcs once we get the first few issues out for 2012.

New Commission Prices for my art: With the new structure and organizing I am doing, I have decided I need to raise my prices for my rtwork. These new prices are part of me feeling better about my own self-worth, paying for shipping and supplies, and going into funding for my books and conventions. I will be attempting to re-post this elsewhere, but as of now these are my commission prices:
$10.00 - 5x8 Sketch Cards (Official MockTales Cards) with single character. Done in pencil
$75.00 – Single character 11x17 Bristol drawing. (+$25.00 inked)
$125.00 – Pagework. (Sequential and storytelling art.)
$200.00 – Covers or Poster and promotional art with background, action, ect.

Conventions: Due to 2011 being the first year I will owe taxes, I’m afraid I had to cancel my trip to C2E2 (Chicago). If I find some way to make it work in the next two weeks, and can still get my table, I will let people know. For now, my planned convention schedule is Emerald City Comic Con, Wizard World Chicago, Jet City Comic Book Show and Spokane Comic Con. At Emerald City Comic Con 2011 (March 4th, 5th and 6th) I will be selling Original artwork and prints and maybe even announcing some plans I have in effect. Hope to see many of you there!

Websites: I have three websites that I have up and running right now, and one more on the way; mocktales.com, elvesnextdoor.com and earthhaven.net. MockTales and Elves Next Door are both part of the same comic universe, but Elves Next Door will be an adult site version of what I have in MockTales. Earth Haven is a boffer group that I was running, and we are currently in the middle of deciding to keep going or to disband. In 2 years I will be starting my own group (as this was a group I had been voted in to help run and administrate). The new Boffer group will be part LARP with a heavy amount of action and sport. My new website that I am developing will be for all those interested in the SCA (Medieval recreation), Ren Faire, Heavy Fighting, Boffer Fighting, and LARP. I want to help create a resource for people to use to check out if there is a group in their area and help people find the fun they are searching for.

In the end, I feel that 2011 is going to be a good year. I am hoping that my continued enthusiasm and re-born energy helps me pave the way towards many great things. I hope to see everyone joining the new MockTales website and by all means, any feedback or information, I welcome it. (constructively of course).

-Greg Scott Bailey