I don't know why... I just can't seem to write a weekly blog. I think part of it is due to laziness and the other part is a side of me that doesn't want to "just let it all out." As someone who has always tried to listen to other people's problems, I found myself learning way too much about them. Personal information that, thankfully for them, I feel other people don't really need to know about.
But where do I draw the line on keeping all this information? And when the hell do "I" get to get these things off my chest without people telling me that I'm just bitching and complaining? Something like a blog is usually a good place to just write and let it all out. "To hell with the consequences." Right? Well in the same respect, I come back to that conflict where someone will read these things and the trust that others have put in me to keep their words silent may be broken. So this sucks.
";alskdjfivna'/zeignsa sear 14." Roughly translated "What the &$#@ should I do?"
I do not comprehend the world the same way as the rest of you. *points to the other 6.8 billion people on the planet* But to narrow it down, I've come to realize that even the most common things in life that people take for granted, I don't comprehend. People use to make fun of me for this lack of knowledge. And for this, I would shelter myself away, keep quiet around crowds, be shy and timid, take no action when action is needed. What else was I to do? I didn't know what questions to ask in order to learn the things that people commonly knew. I was a living paradox. I still feel I am to this day. I am easily emotional. I care about things that no one else cares about, but I don't care about things that people DO care about. ? ?
If you haven't figured out by now that I am just typing all of this as it comes out in my head, well... now you know. Am I being truthful? Yes. I believe myself to be one of the most truthful people I know. I see no reason to lie to anyone. I have had my fair share of Fish stories in the past, and I don't really feel happy knowing that I have embellished the truth. I think people should be happy with the way things are, without the white lies or exaggerating the truth. In fact, since I am on the subject, I am so sick and tired of people telling fish stories. While I won't mention names, I have to say the biggest Fish story culture I've been a part of is the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronisms). The SCA in itself is cool, and I love getting away and camping out in a medieval environment for the weekend. And I can understand people telling a story about a made up character that they are role-playing. But when people just can't let it go. When people don't understand that they they are being too far fetched... then it just gets on my nerves. And if they see that you're not believing their story, they push it further! WTF?!
And another thing, since I seem to be on a rant now; I am SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of people interrupting me when I'm talking about something. There is nothing more frustrating than to finally have people listening to me talk about a subject... to finally have the courage to talk to crowds of people... and to even have those people laughing at the jokes I tell, or ask me to tell them more about what I am talking about.... only to have someone cut in and interupt me. I had a situation not too long ago I was entertaining at least 12 people. They were laughing at my jokes, and for the shy and timid person I am, I was able to let loose and finally open up and have fun. Then all of a sudden something just HAD to happen which pulled everyone away and put a glum on the rest of the night. No one was having fun any more. No one wanted to talk to each other any more. And my weekend... ruined because someone couldn't just chill the fuck out, calm down and enjoy the evening. The situation was overblown, people flipped out when they didn't need to. ARg.... I can't explain without telling names, places and such. So I'll just stop here.
There is so much more that I can't really say without being able to just open up and let loose. Plus I don't know if anyone is even reading this. I don't know what to do with a lot of things in my life. I would like to keep working hard and and "Keep on truck'n" as people keep telling me to do. I have all these dreams and goals in my life. First and formost these days, my wife and kids come first. But I know there are so many people out there that are supporting their families with their skills.... why not me? Why can't I get my shit together and draw professionally; with better anatomy, better design, better work eithics, better... ugh... better everything. I feel that drawing is the only skill I truly have that I can make any kind of living with, and yet I can't seem to get it together. I can't seem to just.... CLICK. Why can't I click... ON, like a light switch. Why can't my damn synapsis fire and give me that light bulb above my head that says "AH HA, I GET IT NOW!" Well I don't get it. I fear I will never get it. In order for me to get anywhere with my artwork on a professional level I will have to step it up even further. Work hard. Work harder. Not hard enough, well damn it WORK HARDER!
Fin.... for now
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